A Christmas Reflection

Having lived in Mexico many years ago I found myself reflecting on the posada tradition which is a depiction of Mary and Joseph looking for a shelter in order for Mary to deliver the Christ child. The tradition is steeped in symbolism, the desperation of a family seeking refuge for an impending birth, the humble surroundings of the birth scene, and the celebration when the family finally finds a willing innkeeper who directs them to the stable.  The celebration that takes place when the couple finally find inn in which a stable is provided is quite a feat.  From my recollection there was lots of food and a gigantic bonfire which provided light throughout the dark school grounds where the posada took place. The children who participated in the event took much pride in playing the roles of Mary, Joseph, and various people whose role it was to send the holy family to their next destination. Moreover the family's whose newborn took the role of the Christ child was revered.

Much of what took place on that night 32 years ago I find solace in the fact that the ceremony is a reflection of our life. But, let me speak of my own journey.  Sojourning through a life of self-seeking and distance from my faith I knocked on many doors which were indeed empty.  Somehow through the mercy and grace of our Savior I found refuge in a kindling fire that was reignited with learning about my faith which is steeped centuries of unaltered tradition based on the Truth.
This parallels today's Gospel reading in which John writes that "... and this life was the of the human race; the light that shines in the darkness.  That intense burning fire with flying embers embodied Jesus who arrived in a world full of uncertainty and chaos, but who would later provide the eternal flame for our salvation, who would as each spark shot up into the night sky send through the Holy Spirit disciples in the darkness who would kindle our faith. Christmas is a time of welcoming that eternal presence which is waiting for us.  It is a time of of mercy and grace, looking at we have and looking to those in need. The celebration at the posada can mirror our own celebration of life living in harmony with our Creator and carrying out His will. May God Bless my fellow bloggers and their family and may peace reign on earth.

Of Things Small

Thus says the Lord: You Bethlehem-Ephrathah, too small to be among the clans of Judah, from you shall come forth for me one who is to be ruler in Israel(Mic 5:1-4).  In our society it is quite common for us to gravitate to all things big.  As a sport aficionado I am always drawn to large feats whether it be the Golden State Warriors winning streak, Joe DiMaggio's hiting streak, passing records in the the NFL, and the list goes on.  Skyscrapers captivate a first-time visitor to large metropolises such as New York City and Chicago.  Restaurants draw us in with large portions.  Larger than life personalities have huge followings on Twitter and of course who cannot forget to mention the latest in a long line of Star Wars movies, "The Force Awakens." But what if what we are really looking for cannot be found in the grandiosity of movies, sports, and superstructures?

We can find Jesus in small things just as he was found in an unassuming location without the glimmering lights, the fanfare from the peoples, the royalty surrounding him. This Advent season we have been surrounded by tragedies of immense proportion, the constant chatter of larger than life politicians, and a myriad of other events that seem to dominate headlines.  Perhaps take a moment and look to the small things. I recently took a bike ride to the beach and found the sun setting in a glorious yellow fireball.  Friends of mine have posted equally beautiful pictures of sunsets on Facebook. Yes, God is there. The stillness in the morning after a much needed rainfall and the clear crispness that permeated the air gives a sense of the beauty of God. A greeting to a stranger or a casual conversation with a shopper helps us find Jesus in the humanity around us.

It seems that as I move on in age that I find more rewarding things small. Perhaps it is because I no longer have that sense of being overwhelmed by fulfillment of things large. My belief is that after chasing things large, God has shown me a better way, to seek joy in the seemingly insignificant, to find strength and happiness in our Lord and his endless works of mercy and graciousness in my life. May you look to those things small for the work of our Lord.

How Shall I Know? Prayer and Doubt

Prayer is an act of faith, leaving all into God's hands even our doubts.  Many times as I pray doubt and dread enter into my being. What am I giving up as I pray? Is this really what I am asking for or do I want a clean version of my request, no obstacles or challenges that may cause anxiety or stress. Zechariah, a godly many also faced doubt when conversing with the angel. "How shall I know this?" Of course, I don't expect to be struck speechless although that in itself might better me and those around me at times.

The unconditional surrender to the outcome of the request of prayer is scary. Throughout the Bible we see angels proclaim "Don't be afraid." Our human nature and our self-reliance responds, "Of course I am afraid.  I have to rely on something I don't see or better yet can foresee. I am very afraid." A closer look at the outcome of Zechariah's encounter with the angel reveal that submission to God's will is rewarded.  We see Mary doing the same in her encounter with the Angel Gabriel and the ultimate submissive act is Jesus dying for us on the cross.  Even as we reflect  on Mary's words "May it be done according to your word" in times of difficulty we can rest assured that our faith and the goodness of our loving God will provide an outcome much better than we sometimes ask for. As Paul states in Thessalonians "Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." May your be blessed with all your prayers this Christmas season.

The Call

Amid all of the violence and demeaning rhetoric that is occurring today it is difficult to distinguish the presence of God.   The events of the past week hit close to home as for me as one of the victims of the San Bernardino attended one of the schools where I taught 16 years ago.  Reflecting on this and the subsequent media fallout and hateful speech that followed had me question our current society. Many say "where is God?" as if God will arrive and put an end to the chaos that confronts us on a daily basis.

Both Baruch and the Gospel of Luke provide a glimpse into this ever present question. During the time which the Book of Baruch was composed the the Hebrews were basically hostages in their own land having endured the sieges of the Chaldeans.  Not much hope existed for the people, but in the last chapter of the prophetic book Baruch a tone of redemption is found.  Take off your robe of morning and misery(5:1), God will show the earth your splendor (5:2) and God has commanded that every lofty mountain be made low ... that Israel may advance secure in the glory of God (5:8).  The arrival of John the Baptist in today's Gospel provides additional hope as well. "The rough ways will be made smooth, and all flesh shall see the salvation of God." (Is 40:4).  Perhaps the call is for us to be the light.  For if God dwells in us we can comfort the lowly, the mourning, the afflicted.  We can be the beacon of hope in a world where it seems desperation and godlessness prevails. We live in a challenging time period much like the early Hebrews under siege from the Chaldeans and the Jews of Jesus's and John's lifetime.  Certainly more violence and vitriol is not the answer.  My Catholic faith is my answer to the upheaval of society. It is up to me take on the words of Baruch and the Gospels and put them into action and I hope and pray that you will also.

Pray That You Will Have Strength

As a child I used to read some comic books of the Archie variety as well as some religious comics from the Cross and Switchblade series by David Wilkerson.  The Cross and Switchblade series had an indelible mark on my juvenile mind.  I remember the vivid images of the final days from the book of Revelation and I was quite convinced that I did not have a chance to withstand the final test.  This thought became embedded in my juvenile mind and was carried with me deep into my adulthood. I just wasn't worthy of the fruits of heaven.  The book of Daniel brought back those memories, but thanks be to God, my spiritual life has changed. Mired in the infantile faith of my childhood I wandered further and further away from my faith. I attended Mass, but did not hear. I prayed, but with empty words. I called upon God, but was not willing to give up my life and brokenness to Him.  The spiritual drowsiness mentioned in Luke had consumed me.  So what changed?

At some point deep in my adult life I awoke from the slumber that had consumed me.  The shackles that kept me imprisoned with those images of a Zeus like God were broken. Realizing that God was not the punisher, but indeed did love me as I was indeed true. The Jesus prayer that I recited so many times was a reality now.  Yes, he did have mercy on me a sinner.  No longer do most of the anxieties of life hold me hostage. Being vigilant as Luke's Gospel advises is paramount in the life of this sinner. Borrowing  a phrase from a 14th century homily "a man is in a state of damnation before he begins his prayer, and before he is finished in a state of salvation." (Magnificat November 2015, p 394). Calling on intercessions from Mary and the saints I pray that I will have strength to stand the tribulations of the day, but before the Son of Man.

Are You Attached?

As a consumer in a culture that promotes rampant consumption today's Gospel reading can be quite challenging.  I think that this is best put in the context in today's meditation from the Magnificat in which Fr. Tadeusz Dajczer states in the opening of the passage "an obvious sign of attachments is also your sadness in situations when God takes something away from you.  It is so easy to be consumed by the desire to buy more than what I need, to eat more than my fill, to work for the extra dollar in order to have more and to be driven by a whole myriad of desires that divorce myself from the will of God.

Having had plenty of these life experiences to only find emptiness in the dark recesses of my soul, did the idea that I was actually seeking God come upon me after many years. The desire of fulfillment, power, and prestige left a void in my life time and time again. Who and what could fill that? Consumed by this obsession and earthly desires separated me from true union with my Creator. Becoming resentful when life challenges did not turnout, I was truly blinded by my attachments to certain situations and my enslavement to materialism. Little did I realize that God was indeed working to free me from these obsessions, that there was a freedom that only He in his infinite mercy could provide.  Working more to obtain the precious dollar only brought more enslavement to workaholism and culture of consumption.

What changed this?  Having been awakened to the concept that an attachment to God and a disciplined spiritual life, only then did I gradually realize that I could not serve God and mammon. There are still life struggles and the desire to have more financial fulfillment in order to provide for the family, children's college costs, retirement, and a host of other challenges. When the temptation to be consumed by these occur, I try to look to God in prayer and as Fr. Dajczer states that these moments are actually grace filled as our Lord is giving us a chance to cleanse ourselves in order to be closer to him. Yes being separated from all things earthly is difficult, but the reward outweighs the cost.  True union with my Father - an attachment forever.

I am Bartimaeus

Blind, begging for mercy, stuck on the road to life, I am Bartimaeus. I attempt to cry out, but the world around me tells me to do things on my own.  I suffer from a myriad of character defects and sins that keep me ever so blind.  The world says. "heal yourself, you can do it on your own." Where is relief? I have suffered so long.

Suddenly in a moment of clarity I hear a voice beckoning me.  "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of everliving God, have mercy on me a sinner," I cry out.  Throwing aside my baggage and all that hinders me I approach the voice.

"What do you want to me to do for you" says  Jesus.

"I want to see." I reply.

Jesus replies, "Go your faith has healed you."

Gradually I begin to see the world around me.   There is so much to be done. The world does not revolve around me and my self-centeredness. There is need of mercy. There is a need to carry the message of healing to the blind.  And most of all there is a need to have faith everyday and understand that God is in charge.

I am Bartimaeus.

Giving a cup of water

Pope Francis' visit to the United States has brought increased attention to the Church as well as providing us an opportunity to embody his message which is profoundly reflected in today's readings.  His constant example of giving especially to children who are disabled or disenfranchised is cause for personal reflection.  The prevailing message in the past week's readings seems to be one of mercy and of not immersing ourselves in the passing world around us, but to follow God.

Matthew gave up his profitable post as a tax collector and followed Jesus. Jesus instructs the Twelve that in order to follow him they must take nothing on the journey. Today James warns us of the evils of allowing wealth to be our ultimate goal.  Not coincidentally, I have been reading a book entitled Love, Skip, Jump: Start Living the Adventure of Yes, by Shelene Bryan.  The book details the author's struggle with success, wealth, and the life changing experiences she and her family had when they decided to make personal sacrifices in order to better serve God and those less fortunate.  Each chapter provides the reader with Shelene's experience of surrendering to God's will during the course of her adult life and the life changing rewards that came putting those less fortunate first.

Being five or so years from retirement, God willing, this book and this week's messages have provided me an opportunity for great reflection.  I do want to retire comfortably and with children in college there is the challenge that many people of my age face. Do I sometimes obsess with doing both? Yes! As James states "You have stored up treasure for the last days." Instead of this obsession with saving that sometimes causes me great angst, I realized that this must be left to God.  As Shelene Bryan states in a chapter about selling her family's house, "let God be the realtor." Taking the Pope's example of simplicity, Selene Bryant's message of skipping comfort, and the readings this week reminds me that are far more important things to ponder on.  Pope Francis once said "the first in the Church are those most in need, humanly, spiritually, materially, the neediest."(Magnificat September 2015). I sometimes forget this as I become immersed in the daily grind. His challenge I take seriously.  My prayer today is "Lord you are creator of all, both big and small.  Grant that I may have my eyes opened to those that our world has diminished.  Grant that I not focus on the material, but on the need of those in my midst.  Open my ears to their call. This I ask through the Holy Name of Jesus. Amen."

Which Seed Am I?

The parable of the seeds that Jesus tells the crowds and later his disciples in private prompted a reflection this morning.  One of my passions is vegetable gardening specifically of tomatoes. I dabble with seed harvest of heirlooms and with other vegetables as well.  As any gardener knows there is a chance that volunteers will sprout up during the course of the year after the fruits have fallen and decompose in the soil.  Somewhere in my neighborhood there is a fig tree because every year a seedling will sprout up in my backyard as the birds have carried the fruit in the air and the falling seeds make their home in the yards in the area.

Back to the tomatoes.  Based on the number of seeds that are in a tomato that has fallen off a plant it is evident that only one or two seem to germinate and sprout as a volunteer.  When I see these volunteers excitedly I tender the soil and find a place for the young plant to grow in hope of producing a new crop.

In the parable Jesus refers to the seeds that fall on the path and are taken away, those that are on rocky ground and have no root, and those that fall among thorns.  Throughout my life I have fallen in each of those categories.  Now more grounded in faith I found myself struggling to cut away the thorns that come with everyday anxieties and the draws of pleasure. Since I compost there are invariably seeds of many types including weeds that choke out plant growth by wrapping themselves around vines or vigorously spreading across the ground.  When these seeds germinate they attack those volunteer plants and the struggle is on for survival.  Only with careful weeding can I assure that the volunteer plant will endure to produce a bountiful crop. I find the parallel of the thorns and my own garden quite profound.  God in his enduring mercy through the workings of the Holy Spirit is constantly weeding the garden of my sinful soul, pulling out those weeds of anxiety and material pleasure, but careful not to disturb the germinating fruit seed that will hopefully produce generosity and loving actions.  In my daily struggles I need the composted rich soil, in my case Scripture readings, prayer and meditation and most importantly to overcome the weeds.

Who do people say I am?

Jesus question to the disciples as they make their way to the outlying villages of Caesarea and Philippi seems to be a conversational piece.  But in the ever thought provoking and probing manner that Jesus embodies he then asks the disciples "Who do you say I am?" The following discourse on suffering shakes the group up with clear intention.  Separating ourselves from our own willful desires to the will of God is a consummate challenge.

The very question posed by Jesus is also directed at us.  Who do people say I am? Do my actions reflect that of a Christ-loving person who embraces suffering and taking up the cross daily? Having endured a back injury recently that has taken me off my bike indefinitely as I trained for an endurance ride, I find myself constantly challenged. I resolved to take my right to complain about my pain to God and not project my hardship on to those around me.  This has proven quite a challenge coupled with the beginning of a new school year which brings the usual barrage of technology and logistical issues. With good intention I have tried not to complain in most cases, but human fragility and thinking as human do have brought frustration and stress. I have found that my actions are very human-like. I imagine that those around me would find a quick answer to the question "who do people say I am?" Yes I am trying to save my life and yes I am not thinking as God does. Here lies my challenge. Will I embrace the words of Isaiah in the first reading today, "The Lord opens my ear that I may hear" and "The Lord God is my help therefore I am not disgraced" or do I think as Peter? This reflection always leads me to consider the millions of people that are suffering without food, a home and the comforts that I have. The second reading from James challenges me to get out of myself and look to those whose need is much greater than mine.

My prayer for today is  "Lord grant that I take upon the crosses of daily living and suffering every reminding myself that many others are suffering more than myself. Grant it o gracious and ever merciful God that when I am tempted to complain that your Spirit guides me to pray for those less fortunate. Amen."

"Ephphatha"

"Ephphatha" said Jesus to the deaf man. The actions that Jesus takes with the man when he is brought to him are puzzling for the observing crowds.  What power does he seem to have? Spitting, touching his tongue which I interpret as touching his tongue to clean his finger and pronouncing "Ephphatha!" thus curing the man.  What is the meaning of this?  For the crowd the man is cured from being deaf and mute. However, for us there can be a deeper interpretation.

Putting one's finger in the ear results in plugging up the ear canal resulting in poor hearing. Pulling them out brings in the sounds from our surroundings.  Upon closer reflection does one see that this miracle is twofold. Yes the man is cured from physical deafness, but also spiritually.

Many of us have had encounters with pain and suffering whether it be individually or those close to us.  We want immediate cures from these afflictions, but the question looms are we opened to what God has in store for us.  Are we really opened when asking for the suffering to be lifted?  One word resonates here - the word surrender. A word misunderstood for weakness by many, but within religious and recovery circles a word that simply means giving up the right to dictate what we want to God and letting Him do the rest.

Jesus instructs those watching his actions to not tell anyone, but I am sure that once we surrender to the will of God during difficulties and then have the burdens removed Jesus wants us to proclaim his power and goodness. We become like the today's first reading from Isaiah 35:4-7 in which the lame leap like a stag, the mute sing, the streams burst forth in the desert, etc. Let us be opened to the wonderful healing hand of Jesus in whatever difficulties we encounter, but let us then praise the Lord and recount his wonders (Psalm 9). "Ephphata!"

Proclaiming the Gospel Like John the Baptist

Reflecting on this morning's intercession in the Magnificat the last line of the prayer states, "For those tempted to abandon the Gospel when it is inconvenient: - grant them strength in their faith.  Reading and pondering on the sacrifice that John the Baptist made is in itself inconvenient.  "He must increase, but I must decrease," states John.  Pretty heavy words in our society of cultural relativism and self-gratification.

A constant struggle in my life has been how I can increase without much thought for where Jesus can make inroads to guide me.  Timothy says "be persistent whether it is convenient or inconvenient' (2 Tm 4:2). Throughout my daily interactions with others I am fairly adept at preserving my image, but equally careful not to proclaim my faith too strongly as not to others.  However, cautiously I have opened up to others about my adherence to Church teachings and when doing so I find that there is a common bond even with my Protestant brothers and sisters. Perhaps this where I decrease leaving my fear of what others may think of me and my holding on to perseverance of self.

This being said it is not easy to proclaim one's faith in our society. I fear that at times by doing so I may be abandon by people who have known me for years. Controversial topics abound and the lack of tolerance for those who proclaim the Truth from Scripture is evident in homes, the workplace and especially in social media.  However, letting Jesus increase even when the temptation to abandon the Gospel requires a leap of faith.  My prayer for today is:

"O my God who is by side at all times, grant me the ability to faithfully proclaim your Truth even when it is inconvenient or when I want to hide my beliefs. Grant me the courage of your servant John the Baptist speak out to wrongdoings and injustice not for my glory but for your kingdom and glory. Amen

Harsh Words and a Challenge

It is easy to read the bible as a story and skip the sections that make one uncomfortable.  Today's Gospel passage is one of those that can be overlooked in its application. I have heard Matthew's verse for many years, but never really thought that indeed Jesus may be talking to me.  It was just another passage in which Jesus was pointing to those who were in power their hypocrisy.  There the word. No one wants be called a hypocrite.  The dictionary provides a couple of definitions: 1. a pretense of having a virtuous character, moral or religious beliefs or principles, etc., that one does not really possess; 2. a pretense of having some desirable or publicly approved attitude.

So if I am in the crowd that Jesus addressed what am I thinking? Do I act as if I am on a high moral ground or do I seek public approval according an attitude to gain platitudes? Upon examination I can find these faults fairly easily in myself.  In our media saturated society reading or watching the news I am forever condemning those who fall mightily. I may appear like a whitewashed tomb borrowing Matthew's words, but my inner thoughts and at times my words indicate otherwise.  So where is the relief?

For me the passage is a challenge. In today's Psalm the response is, "You have searched me and you know me, Lord." Yes the Lord knows me.  As the psalmist continues "if I sink to the nether world, you are present there" and again "If I say, "surely the darkness shall hide me, and night shall be my light." Jesus is there with me wherever I go.  All I must do is recognize that and clean my cup of my soul daily and be renewed.

Back again to the me standing in the crowd Jesus is addressing. I cringe at the harsh words because He is addressing me, but I take relief because I the voice is calling me.

Can I Pass?

Reflecting on the readings today I see Gideon and Peter expressing doubt about what is being asked of them. Gideon from a lowly family is asked to lead Israel over Midian whereas Peter is asking Jesus what is in this journey for us if we have gave up everything already. In our society planning out one's future is considered wise and many look upon those who have such plans such as "I will go to college obtain my degree and then go to grad school and become a doctor,"  as intelligent and goal driven. I once aspired to greater things as well, but God had other plans for me.  Don't get me wrong planning is a necessary part of life.  But when plans forget the will of God the obsession of money, power and prestige take over only leading one further from God's intended purpose for us.

Who then can pass through the eye of the needle? Have I really surrendered everything? Think of passing through the eye of the needle.  There is no room for extra baggage as it will prevent one from squeezing through.  Has the obsession for the afore mentioned vices hindered the passing? What else am I hanging on to? Resentment, anger, sloth? Each one of these prevents me from being in full union with God and others so I my as well discard them. If I struggle with this then I can ask God to help me for I wish to pass.

Mary in My Life

                                                                 The Rest on the Flight into Egypt, Gerard David

For the last few days I have been contemplating my relationship with Mary, especially since today is the Feast of the Assumption.  What role does she have in my life? Do I truly seek her as an intercessor? Having been catechised in my early childhood but not quite understanding the purpose at the time or the theology I find myself deficit in many areas of the faith.  Understanding Mary is one of them.

Yes I have prayed the rosary on occasions and now understand the purpose, but I still feel as though I don't have the right relationship with Mary.  Although my knowledge of the faith and Mary's role as a mother is more developed as I devote an increasing time to re-educating myself as a Catholic something seems to be missing.

Perhaps I need to better understand the sacrifices Mary made as she raised her son or even before that as she is told of the impending birth of Jesus. For me my journey to understand our Blessed Mother begins with a reflection today as I pray the Hail Mary.  From this point I endeavor to have a better relationship with Mary.

Jesus and Healing

I am sure every individual who prays has asked for immediate healing of some sort for either themselves or a loved one.  It is only human nature.  As I reflected on the gospel reading today I could not help of thinking of the many times that I wanted immediate responses to my prayer as Jarius pleaded.  However, his plea was one of faith knowing of Jesus and his recent ministry.  But what about the woman along the way to the residence of Jarius?  She had endured suffering for twelve years and had sought medical attention for an equal amount of time losing her own money during this trial.  Her hardship parallels the suffering of many who endure countless amounts of money and time seeking cures for maladies and diseases.  What can we learn from her?

I harken back to my original statement about asking for healing and immediacy of results.  This woman demonstrated faith.  Just touching Jesus' cloak was enough for her.  “If I but touch his clothes, I shall be cured.”  Her faith resonates with Paul's acclamation in 2 Timothy 4:7 in which he states "I have kept the faith" knowing that his life was coming to an end.  The woman having endured suffering but having faith even despite the failings of medical professionals somehow knows that Jesus is the answer.  Knowing this I can take a page from this passage and apply it to my life when I want answers to my prayers or my daily trials and tribulations. Faith endures.  The message is clear this past week when reflecting on Abraham's faith journey in Genesis. Abraham is blessed with a child despite Sara's barrenness and his age. All things are possible with God and through Jesus.

Fear and Pentecost

Hiding in the house for the fear of what might become of them Jesus' followers were suddenly overcome by Holy Spirit. What they then go on to do through discipleship is build the Church. Pope Francis in his "Joy of the Gospel" encourages us to fully arm ourselves before we go into battle.  Otherwise lacking confidence we are destined to defeat.  Much like our brothers and sisters of old we are faced with a skeptical and cynical world which decries the teachings of Jesus and the Church.  Are we to remain in our houses for fear of what others might think of us if we do proclaim the Gospel?  Are we to appear under the influence as some described in Acts, "they have had too much wine," and then use that very fear of being judged as a deterrent of what we are being called to do.

Pope Francis calls upon the word of St. Paul "My grace is sufficient for you , for my power is made perfect in weakness" in the Joy of the Gospel.  He implores us not to take upon the spirit of defeatism.  Although not under the persecution suffered by others in nations in which Christians come under the threat of death for religious practices, we in our nation have become mired in a malaise that can be just as deadly.  I am very much guilty of this in many areas of my life whether at home at or at work. I tend to sanitize my beliefs instead of taking to the road as the early Christians did.  One of my favorite Christian musicians Ike Ndolo sings in his song "At the Sound" in the first line "We will stand for you." What is preventing me from doing this. Saint Francis said, "Preach the Gospel and when necessary use words." Is it the fear of words that I may use? It is the fear of rejection for my beliefs and my convictions no matter what the cost? It is how this may affect my reputation? For me it is all of these. Maybe looking at the words of St. Francis and preaching by my actions is the easier route? Following Jesus and proclaiming the Gospel is not easy in this day and age.  Realizing that I cannot do this on my own and calling on the Holy Spirit is the key. Surrendering my will and my ego brings me in communion with will of God and then, and only then am I ready to step out. 

Slow Down: God is Watching

Driving in Southern California traffic can turn a perfectly calm normal person to an impatient, and angry,  driver.  People slamming their breaks on while texting on the freeway, drivers waiting for the last possible moment to cut in to an onramp and thus making those following them slamming on their breaks to avoid a collision.  Not to mention the aggressive driver who flies up behind you, causing you to brace for the impending rear-end collision or those who just don't seem to know how to drive in the rain (too fast or too slow).  So what does this have to do with God?

Leaving work today I found myself caught in the usual traffic snarls which have a tendency to grind on my nerves.  I would just like to get home without slowing down to a two to three mile 30 mph crawl.  Not happening today.  Traffic was first fast and then slow and then fast again.  Isn't this a reflection of life? Upon getting on the freeway and honking on my horn  a few minutes earlier at someone who was probably lost and tried to cut in on a clogged onramp I proceeded my journey.  Later realizing that this person had out of state plates and was confused, I said a quick prayer.

Fifteen minutes later 10 minutes from home a distracted driver continues to slam their breaks on causing me to become incensed and flash my lights in an attempt to get them to move.  God had other plans.  Within a mile traffic comes to a grinding halt.  Close to home, I know the exits well and proceeded to find one close to home.  Moving across lanes, I try to navigate into the far right lane to exit and a person in a Porsche speeds up so I cannot immediately exit and than slows down to let me in.  I still have seen the picture yet.  Exiting I come upon a homeless person who is asking for money.  Slow down, is this the face of Christ? When did I see you when you were hungry? Always carrying a Granola bar for this occasion I realized that this was a message prepared for me.  Slow down, see my face among you.  I quickly gave the man the bar before the light changed and rejoiced in God;s humor as well as laughed at my insane actions during my journey.

Lord Jesus Christ Have Mercy on Me a Sinner

Reflecting on John Michael Talbot's book, Nothing is Impossible with God, I have found a profound connection with this past week's readings.  Talbot dedicates multiple chapters on the rosary as well as the Jesus Prayer.  This prayer I uttered many times without contemplating its deeper meaning.  As a teenager my mother gave me a book of prayers for college students.  The one prayer that stood out was the Jesus Prayer and I would revisit it in some of my difficult times.

From Tuesday's readings I find Azariah pleading, "Do not take away your mercy from us," as he endured the fire and then again Peter asking the Lord about a brother who sins against him. Jesus reply was we know "seventy-seven times." Putting that in perspective for myself who in my human sinful condition can replay harms or what I might perceive as harms over and over again, can easily forget the term mercy.

Thursday we are taken to the Gospel of Luke where Jesus instructs the hardened hearts of those who were looking to test him by stating the house divided against itself will fall." As a teacher and student of history this passage has always appealed to me as it is the very message Lincoln used in his speech to the Illinois Republican Convention in 1858 as the United States inched closer to war over the slavery issue.  But from a very personal perspective I find that this house is myself in my duplicitous nature. Trying to carry out the will of God is challenging at times and I am quite quick to impose my will on situations.  I am part of the group  Jeremiah says are those stiff necked people. However, there seems to that inner voice that brings me back to the Jesus Prayer. "Harden not your hearts,"  the psalmist cries.

Talbot's dissection of the Jesus Prayer has brought a clearer understanding of the mercy of God. understanding the deeper context of the meaning of each of the words in the prayer and the Greek translation has opened my eyes to the need of not only for  God's  mercy on me, but for me not rely on my own abilities to be merciful.  My prayer is "Grant that I have mercy on those around me as you have had mercy on me.

I Rescue Them When It Is Cloudy and Dark

In Ezekiel 34:11-14 we hear the Lord say "I will rescue them from every place where they were scattered when it was cloudy and dark." In today's reading the image of the good shepherd is projected in Micah and the Gospel reading from Luke.  When are we rescued? Do we have to be as the prodigal son and go to the depths of darkness before we realize that there is a better way? Many of us have ventured into the darkness of the world in search of a better life only to find that we were delusional. What we found was an unrelenting emptiness as the search of riches and gratification was pursued. Prayers seemed to go unanswered.  As the son stated in Luke when he comes to he senses and realizes that he truly has nothing "here am I, dying from hunger. I shall get up and go to my father." You know the rest of the story.

It is at this point that in our human nature we may have hit that proverbial bottom than we are ready to give up our way of life for a better way.  For some it may come after many years of internal personal battles. For others it may come after a life changing event.  Whatever the case the Lord is ready when we are.  Those cries of desperation are now answered. "I cry aloud to God, cry aloud to God that he may hear me, " says the psalmist. The Lord in his infinite mercy has heard our cry. The darkness and clouds dissipate. The sun shines and a new life is found.  Only that we remember that this must be a daily cry in our venture in the world of darkness. We become the light as Christ shines through us to others who may have endured a similar plight in their journey.

What is Love?

Reflecting on the readings this week we see Jesus without explicitly stating what his actions were or even using the word revealing love. In Monday's reading found in Matthew, Jesus talks of feeding and providing to those who have little or nothing.  A closer look at the Lord's prayer in which Jesus says "If you forgive men their transgressions, your heavenly Father will forgive yours."Even in the story of Jonah, which Jesus alludes in Luke 11:32  to the idea that "there is something greater than Jonah here." My take on this is that for me to love I must recognize that Jesus is greater than myself and allow him to live in me.  Thursday's reading explicitly commands us to "do to others whatever you would have them do to you." Friday we focus on reconciliation in Matthew  5:20-26 and today we are told to love our neighbor.

Yes love is in the air, but how can I love with such turmoil in the world.  On my daily commute how can I love the driver who cuts me off or speeds up dangerously behind me, causing me to throw up my hands in anger? How can I love those in my workplace that are in a perpetual state of anger or seem not to care about their work? How do I love those who can make my job difficult? The Jackie DeShannon song "What the World Needs Now" comes to mind. "Not just for some, but for everyone," the refrain is repeated.

I can love those close to me most of the time, but at times I am not in a loving mood, so what makes me change? A reflection of God's grace to me as a sinner is place to start. In my day to day commute or interactions another prayer asking for patience, tolerance and acceptance works when I make the time to do so. Perhaps the passage in Thessalonians 5:17-18, "pray incessantly" is what is being asked of me. If so I may find my answer.

Follow Me

Reflecting on today's readings, message of following the way of Christ, I am reminded of the many years that through my own self-centeredness and rebelliousness I ignored the call.  I would constantly find myself on the opposite side of Isaiah's "If you." Mired in the darkness referred to in the passage my pursuits were for my own reward. Malicious speech, false accusations, pride, and many other defects of character were common.

Only when I recognized my ways,  left my post as a collector of the wrongs and assessor of debts of others did I come upon the infinite mercy of Jesus. "Teach me your way, O Lord, that I may walk in your truth," the psalmist cries.  This new way of life was painful at times. Acknowledging that I was and still am a sinner, not healthy or in need of a physician was as Saint Peter Damian said "one must in order to make any task easier, try a more difficult thing in order to make the nettles bearable."  The daily inventory of my actions resounds as the psalmist once again acknowledges his weakness, "Have mercy on me, O Lord, for to you I call all the day."  Lest I forget when I approach the altar during communion that I am called as a sinner and my Savior in his abounding mercy and kindness takes me into his arms. Yes the Lord has spoken and I am following his call.

Suffering

Our culture frowns upon any type of suffering as much as the ancient Jews frowned upon leprosy. Society is constantly seeking ways to end suffering of any type viewing it as a obstacle to fullness. While there is nothing wrong with medical advances that treat diseases such as cancer, diabetes, and ebola, many seek to end the suffering associated with daily life and tribulations. Reflecting on Mark's passage about the leper one can surmise that if the leper did not have the crippling affliction, perhaps he would have never encountered the mercy of Jesus.

As I reflected upon my morning meditation in the Magnificat, the passage from the French novelist Leon Bloy who said "If God desires to have us , he must seduce us, for if his Majesty does not please us, we can throw it away from our presence" resonated with me.  For many suffering in various forms of affliction brings us closer to God, that is we become seduced by his love for us even though we fell unworthy due to our affliction.  We may cry out "why me?" in desperation not quite understanding that God is working through us at the time.

Suffering brings us to our knees realizing that the delusion of human superiority over all is a lie. There is but one power that can bring an end to what we call suffering, the mercy and love of God. While I may not have leprosy I may suffer in my everyday contact with others, realizing that I am judgmental, egotistical, prideful, along with a slew of other faults which can be classified as spiritual leprosy . Knowing that these defects can ravage my soul in permeating guilt, I like the leper ask the Lord for his mercy "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of everliving God, have mercy on me a sinner." Mercifully I am made clean.

In physical suffering we may call upon the intercession of St. Clare, who once stated "If you suffer with Him, you will reign with him." Our society frowns upon this type of suffering as if we really know what is best for the individual.  If our ultimate reward lies in the kingdom of God we embrace  the afflictions that have beset us. While many of us suffer as we care and watch loved ones overcome by debilitating diseases as difficult as it may be, we can unite ourselves and our loved ones knowing that there is a far greater reward than what we may see, one that is not readily grasped, nor immediately felt as though we are in our earthly bodies, but one with eternal life.

Faith During the Storm

It took many years for me to understand the deeper meaning of Mark 4:35-41, Jesus calming the storm.  I understood that the passage correlated with faith so I interpreted it dealing with life's calamities.  It wasn't until this morning reading this that I figured it this message was for me. In midst of my daily struggles I become the disciples. I overreact to what appears to be a storm and that I might perish or give up control to something or someone. "Teacher, do you not care." although not my words as I may be too self-absorbed to contemplate such a saying.  However, Jesus reply to the sea which symbolically is my own desire to control situations is "Quite! Be still!" It is this very reply that I need to hear or better yet be open to when the waves become violent, throwing me asunder, tossing me off the boat of life. Having recognition of this I will better understand that it is He, not I that control my destiny. Having the faith of Abraham to the point of not knowing where I am going shall guide me to the final destination as Paul alludes to in Hebrews 1:2-9. Being obedient to the message is my struggle.

The Call

As we reflect on today's readings it is clear that the message resonates with a call. That call seems to be an imperative and requires action.  Whether it is Jonah wandering through Nineveh, Paul's proclamation to the Corinthians or Jesus proclaiming the Gospel in Galilee there is a call. Repentance is the answer.  The people of Nineveh heeded the call to conversion of heart when their immediate future was at stake. Paul uses similar words in saying that "the world in its present form is passing away. Simon and  Andrew leave their life-long work as fisherman as do James and John.  Their immediate actions of leaving both their work and families behind may seem a bit extreme, but the message is there, "Come after me." Looking at this in today's world is difficult. Take for example Andrew and Simon. They may have been hard workers and in today's terms married to their work, but they chose a new calling. Are you married to your work? Is it your life, your identity, your pride? Having struggled with this myself, I increasingly try to allow Jesus guide me in this area, consecrating each day to him, attempting to follow his call. The call to repent follows me as well. There are plenty of areas in my life which require reflection and the willingness to change. This only comes with God's infinite grace.  Yes time is of the essence and I must take Jonah's and Paul's words seriously if I am to answer that call. May the Grace of of our Savior provide you with that call.

Update

I apologize for the lack of posts as my  job as a teacher requires a significant amount of time and energy dedicated the task of grading as well as preparation. I hope with renewed spirit and the grace provided by God to be more frequent in my posts.

Yours in Christ

Chris

Baptism

What can be more frightening than being submersed under water and the feeling of drowning? Having had an experience of being momentarily helpless in a pool after an awkward dive I can recall of being weighted down. Jesus when baptized by John the Baptist descended into the waters although completely sinless must have had that momentarily feeling as well. What can we take from this event? Being helpless underwater can symbolize our life when it is devoted to the material world. We are constantly battling for air and at times can be weighed down by our propensity to sin and the underlying guilt of those actions that wraps itself around us and keeps us submerged. On the other hand visualize Christ coming up from the waters, getting the breath of fresh air, of life, of renewal. That is what we can experience when we allow ourselves to be guided by our Savior.  We are no longer weighted down by the turbulence of the current under water, but conversely we can grab onto the One that will guide us down the river of life as we submit to His will. In the words of the Baptist " He must increase; I must decrease."