You Are My Beloved Son/Daughter: Is God Really Pleased with Me?

"This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased." the God's voice echoes from the heavens. Oh, how I wish it were that easy to accept those words. I find that in certain areas of my faith journey things come easy, such as the discipline of daily prayer, attending reconciliation frequently, attempting to live out the teachings of my Catholic faith. However, accepting that God is pleased with me and that He loves me is a constant struggle.

It is somewhat consoling that many others confront the same issue as well. Many theologians and great spiritual writers outline the very issue in their respective works. Just today in my reflection time I read a meditative piece (Magnificat, January) from Father Bede Jarrett, O.P in which details how he should never lose courage to continue on despite his frailty. His solution is to say to himself, "I am now his son." Our humanity bonds us with this dilemma. Still that doesn't reduce my struggle.

My spiritual director is quite direct in telling me the same, "I am a good person and loved by God." Yet here I am writing about this very topic.  Daily reflection on my actions continues to reveal to me the sinful actions I take over the course of the day. As  you can imagine, these are seemingly crystal clear. Other actions may take some more time to be revealed.  Perhaps, this is the grace of God working, knowing that I could not possibly handle all of the wreckage of my sinfulness at once. Only love can explain this.

The second part of the phrase, "with whom I am well pleased" is equally troubling. Is God pleased with me when I cause distress to those around me through harsh words or selfish actions?  I quickly forget that I am human when focusing on my own weaknesses. Yes, I have to deal with the defect of perfectionism quite often. Moreover, I forget that God gracefully has given me tools to overcome this insanity in using the Examen. Asking God for light to see the day through his eyes not mine, giving thanks for the day, reflecting being guided by the Holy Spirit, facing my shortcomings ( mercifully), and asking God for guidance in the day to come.

I am indeed his son because He sent his only Son to die for my me, to lift me up, to be an example of love that cannot be conquered. Upon contemplating Jesus on the cross and His forgiveness of the criminal next to him, what greater love can there be?  I will fail and fall again and again just as I will question my ability to be pleasing to God. However, it is certainly more consoling with God's grace and the guidance of the Holy Spirit that I will prevail over my sinful nature and lack of hope at time.