Follow Me

 Follow Me

I quite frequently ponder the question, "How did I get here?" A reflection of my life over the last fifty plus years reveals a road full of potholes, curves, steep grades, and falling descents. Could I have predicted my present place? Absolutely not. A quick look at my formative years as an adult certainly would be nothing to write home about. But here I am in the place God wants me to be.

Jesus calls Andrew, Peter, James, and John to follow him and based on the words of Matthew, each of them immediately drops their fishing nets and begins a new occupation. Blind faith is probably an accurate saying here.  Who after all would leave their occupations and more importantly their families behind if someone came by and said, "Follow me."

It is of significant note that each of these men of a profession that did not require an education and that were they were hardworking, but simple men. Maybe there is something to that. In a society that prides itself with reaching the pinnacle of success with riches, glory, and adoration, it seems there is a disconnect with the way of Christ. I can relate to this trap quite well. 

Isaiah refers to the degraded land of Zebulun and the land of Naphtali, a distressed gloomy land in the first reading.  Taking a step back and looking at our world today I think that he would probably utilize the same words. But in keeping with his message of hope,  he states that "the people who walked in darkness have seen a great light (Isa). His reference to "the yoke that burdened the people, the pole on their shoulder, the rod of the taskmaster (Isa 9)" that has been destroyed provides a sense that no matter what a person can overcome any difficulties. As we know this passage relates directly to today's Gospel reading's setting.

The statement follow me is one which a child usually has no problem with as they take the hand of a loving parent.  However, with adults there is a natural resistance, almost a rebelliousness, as we think we already know the way.  We are mature, we know life, the twists and turns. Following authority is a character defect that I constantly struggle with. My first question is where are we going and then how are we getting there.  I want a roadmap, but not Siri, that will detail every turn. I want to know how long it will take and how we will measure success. I am sure my bosses can attest to the fact that I can be quite a pain as I pepper them with these questions when a proposal is made. I like to see the plan. 

What makes the first disciples so unique is initially they did not ask questions, they left everything behind and followed Jesus.  I can't imagine being one of them. However, as previously mentioned, a quick review of my life in the darkness and without spiritual direction reveals a broken path. Psalm 27 refers to the Lord as the light. I now feel more comfortable following this light, but still with some trepidation as the road of life is littered with hardship, suffering and challenges many of which I still have anxiety about. Taking the hand of faith, hope and love of the Lord guides me despite the many questions I have. I want the map, I want to be able to plan when I retire, and what I will do next. I want to know how my children will fare in the adult world. I want to know how I will fare in an impending surgery. But as one can see this is all about me and what I want. I must trust in the light, the Lord and wait for the Lord with courage as He has the answers.

“My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.”

― Thomas Merton, Thoughts in Solitude