Hurry Up and Slow Down

WHAT TO DO?

So it has been six days since I had neck surgery and I am finding being restricted  quite a challenge.  I would like this recovery process to fast forward so that I can get on with my life, my teaching, my goals as a cyclist, my dreams. You see I like to live life at a fast pace occupying myself with something each second of the day.  I always start my day with morning prayer and meditation followed by scripture reading. But at times I just want to rush through that as well.  Matthew 11:28 makes the theme of rest quite clear as Jesus states, "Come to me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest."

VOIDS AND GOALS

I don't like think of myself as burdened, but upon reflection I find that I am my own biggest burden with my worries, preoccupations about the future and the future of my children and of the world in general.  Perhaps this is a time of spiritual renewal and I need to conform as there is plenty of time in my day now that is spent just sitting quietly outside and not thinking about anything. Perhaps I am also being asked to look long term at my own life goals as in three to four years I will be retiring from a lifetime of teaching middle school. What voids need to be filled? I would like to think that I have all this figured out, but I know otherwise. God is in control.

God is in control of my health, my liberty, my all. Take, Lord, and receive all my liberty, my memory, my understanding, and my entire will, all that I have and possess. Thou hast given all to me. To Thee, O Lord, I return it. All is Thine, dispose of it wholly according to Thy will. Give me Thy love and Thy grace, for this is sufficient for me. A difficult prayer, but having used a similar prayer over the years, I find it easier to pray. 

THE CHALLENGE

Slowing down is a challenge for me. I want to complete everything on time and too perfection. I have read from numerous bloggers and people who post on surgical recovery forums to really take recovery seriously. Slow down, strictly follow doctors orders, don't do anything crazy. My friends tell me the same. I have been blessed with relatively good health over the last 33 years teaching to the point that I have accumulated plenty of sick days while I am off  from teaching. Still the desire to perform to perfection infiltrates my being as I am constantly devising plans so that I will be in contact with my students every day via video.  Yet in Mark 6:31 Jesus commands his disciples "Come with me to a quiet place and get some rest." Ah the word rest. Is this is what I am being told to do? What about my 10000 steps that I want reach every day? After all the doctor was clear about not being sedentary and then she remembered, "Oh yes you are the endurance cyclist." I promised her I would be active not staying seated for more than an hour.  

So what does God want with me during this time? Maybe more time in prayer. Maybe the Rosary which is something I have intentionally avoided for years as I worry about how much time I will spend. Yes there I go again. I am on this earth for a relatively short amount of time and I try to plan every living moment. For the next seven weeks I hope to find something to fill this void besides the daily plans that I will have to submit and work that I will eventually have to correct. Oh the joys of the digital age; work even follows you home when you are recovering.  I do have a few books to read,  Jennifer Fulwiler's Our Father and Gerard Hughes' God, Where Are You? I still have plenty of tomatoes to pick and blocks to walk.  But more importantly I have the time that God has provided for me, for what purpose that is to be determined.