Being Fed

THE JOY OF FOOD

Food has always appealed to me, especially as a person who enjoys cooking. I look to the challenge of the preparation, the cooking, knowing when the particular dish is ready, and the taste test. In a way I have become a food critic, having developed a sense of taste over the years. This particular art was developed at a young age in my parent's kitchen as they always prepared our meals and we rarely ventured out to eat as there were so few quality eateries in the rural area that I grew up in. Having spent many years watching and assisting my parents in the kitchen cultivated my tastes, My food experience was a combination of Italian, German, and whatever else my parents decided to stir up.
Being married to my wife of Mexican-Japanese descent my horizons in this area have broadened along with the easy access of millions of recipes found on the web. I have been extremely fortunate to live in an area of Southern California where one can pretty much find any type of ethnic food they desire as well.  Consequently I am always fed with a variety of tastes which have multiplied over the years.

OH NO! NOT LIVER

Being fed spiritually is another story. Much of my adult life was spent avoiding spiritual food like a one avoids their least favorite food, in my case liver. Although I attended Mass weekly, my inner being was not being fed. Taking communion was just another obligation along with Mass attendance, The Sacrament of Reconciliation was an empty ritual that little to no effect on my hardened soul. It was as if I was being fed with food that had no nutritional value. This of course was entirely because I was not in place spiritually to truly taste and see the goodness of the Lord. I avoided spiritual reading much like child revolts against a certain food being served at the dinner table.  Yet I was still hungry not knowing what this emptiness actually was.

FEEDING THE REBELLIOUS CHILD

God does have funny ways of working with people. It was as if the most nutritional dish was put before me time and time again which I turned away from. Patient like a parent who is trying to instill good eating habits to a stubborn child, God knew that a some point I would give in to my hunger for goodness. A new food that is exploding with a bouquet of taste would bring me back to the table again and again.  There would be no more rebelling against the liturgy, communion, and the teachings of the Mother Church. I was being filled but would still hunger. However this hunger would not be one of futility, but the desire to quench the spiritual void with more.

MULTIPLYING BLESSINGS

The story doesn't end. In the today's Gospel from John (JN 6:1-15) we see Jesus multiplying the loaves for the hungry group of men who followed him. Here I see the need to be fed daily by Jesus and also feeding others.  It  isn't enough just to be fed but to share with others the Good News, the spiritual food for life. For me this is similar to a chef who is constantly looking at new foods to add to menu and opportunities to bring in new clientele. Many opportunities exist from the call I have received (EPH 4:1-6) to continue on with work of the Lord and carry on the message of faith, hope and love.

The Call

SIGNS OF THE TIMES

As I reflect on the events of this week in our nation and view the vitriolic rhetoric that is hurled through cyberspace and the news cycle I am more convinced that we as a nation need to take a step back and truly look at our faith.  Recently I was driving and saw a bumper sticker that read something like this "Pray the Rosary, Save our Nation." How appropriate I thought, but how many people really take that to heart.  I am disturbed by social media posts by people who declare themselves Christian in my own circle who then react in such a non-Christian way to people who demonstrate compassion for immigrants, people in need, etc.  Where are the prophets? Where is the voice or better yet who is the voice?

THE MESSAGE OF JOHN

And then we come upon today's Solemnity of John the Baptist. John broke the mold of what the typical prophet should be.  Just maybe we are asked to do the same. What if we all took upon the life of simplicity and proclaimed as John did the coming of Christ? Or better yet what if we actually took upon the teachings of Christ in turning the other cheek, praying for our persecutors and those who oppress the poor instead of using the angry but empty blares of social media?

ON CUE

Pope Francis' intention for the month was "That social networks may work towards that inclusiveness which respects others for their differences." A quite appropriate prayer this month in our nation indeed. I have been challenged from reacting on numerous occasions as I read incendiary responses from people I know who post reflect ideology that I do not agree with. So far with God's grace I have not posted a single reply. 

HOPE AND THE CALL

Today's second reading from Isaiah proclaims, "Though I thought I had toiled in vain/ and for nothing, uselessly, spent my strength,/ yet my reward is with the Lord. It seems at time that very passage is relevant today. The voice of love is truly crying out in the desert landscape, " Make way for the Lord." It seems to be drowned out by the almost animal-like howls of hate. Living out the Gospel is a truly a calling. 

Think of traveling in through the desert today. At least in some areas of the the Southwest United States one can find areas where there is no cell phone coverage. For some their is that panic. "Oh no there is no access!" Perhaps we should take that to heart as a blessing. What if we actively sought to travel to the deserts of our own hearts, put down the phone or device, and reflect on the poverty of our hearts, the parched landscape of our interior, and listened for the true voice. Perhaps we are asked to be that light to others.

The Spiritual Journey: Of Seeds and Maturity

NOT KNOWING

I like many others have taken the long path to arrive at a life of spirituality. Did I know this would occur? No I am like the man in the Gospel reading of which Jesus says “This is how it is with the kingdom of God; it is as if a man were to scatter seed on the land and would sleep and rise night and day and through it all the seed would sprout and grow, he knows not how." (MK 4:26).  I see myself in this as both man and the seed. 

NOT YET GERMINATED

Much of my life had been spent in ignorance of the workings of God or down right rejection of the Church teachings. I was living life much like the parable of sower and the seed falling and being choked by weeds and thorns (MK 4). I cannot count the times where I would hear these parables on Sunday's and then go out and live a life of blasphemy and sin. Seeds were being planted in me but they needed water for I was dry in spirit. These seeds come in the trails and tribulations of life as well as the various relationships and people I have encountered. Some people have made a lasting impact and their seed has permanently planted in the soil of my being. Others seem to be like the seed that is scattered in the wind, blowing away to be never seen again. As I see it I was not ready to follow the Father, Son or Holy Spirt. 

THE JOURNEY OF THE SEED

But a seed was planted, a small seed at that, the mustard seed if you will. My soul was stirred as the seed germinated, not yet ready to break through the soil. With some spiritual watering and a spiritual awakening the seed burst through the soil. However, this sprout was in the light was in the need of other seeds to provide some shade so that it would not be burned by the ways of world as well as well as the waters of the Spirit to provide growth. As I continue to grow spiritually I find that I am very green in many matters especially the knowledge of Church teachings. 



As a seed grows it develops a trunk to stabilize itself so it does not fall over. The trunk is nourished by water and fertilizer of which comes with daily readings, meditation, attending Mass, and partaking in the sacrament of reconciliation.  Thus the plant matures as new branches begin to extend out into the light. With these branches come the grain. If well developed head of the grain will have many seeds that can be harvested or in the case of the mustard plant a bright flower burst out which will eventually become the seeds.

SPREADING THE SEED

It is here that I have realized that I am to spread the seed. As a father this is extremely important to me.  For if I am not able to spread the seed of the Gospel to my own children, I have failed in vital area of my life.  The question of how might one spread the word was posed today in my daily meditation. I think it begins with family and then within our various relationships and communities.  However, none of this can happen if one is still green and not fully mature. I continue to ask God to guide me in this area for even as somewhat green mustard plant I now know that I do have a role in God's kingdom.

A Prayer for Fathers
Lord you have watered me and watched me grow.
Your eyes never leave me and your hands guide me.
Help me in my journey so that I may plant the seed of your love and way
for my own children.
Sprinkle me with the fertilizer of the Spirit so that I may grow strong in you.
Help me mature so that I can spread your seed to my own children.
Strengthen my faith so that I may not waiver and bend to ways of the world.
This I humbly ask of you, Amen.

The Story is Not Over

AND ONE MORE

This weekend the most recent series of Star Wars movies Solo: A Star Wars Story was released. I am old enough to remember the original Star Wars: Episode 4 released in 1977.  It seems that this series will continue on with new characters or different versions of the original ones. Our world is populated with Star Wars fans young and old, but the discipleship passes from generation to generation as people my age have passed their dedication to the series to their children who then have passed their own faithfulness to their children. The story seems to never end nor does the dedication to the saga. As of early this morning 81% of Google users gave it a thumbs up.  So what can we take from this?

Being a casual follower of the characters and even of the eleven releases, I can see the connection with today's Gospel in which Jesus gives the disciples their marching orders to spread the word and make disciples of all nations.(MT 28:19).  We see this in the many people who as mentioned above spread the word of the saga to others. Some become ardent fans and others fall away. If one were to look at the various releases and the commentary on the religious connections they would spend hours reading from lay people to religious experts on the forces of good and evil, laying down ones life for another (Yoda), Darth Vader redeeming himself, and of course the saying, "May the force be with you." The last one is a running joke among Catholics who quickly respond to their Star War friend, "and also with you."

CONNECTIONS

The reoccurring themes of fear and courage resonate throughout the series as Luke is faced with the daunting challenge of leading the Federation against the Evil Empire in what is seen as an exercise in futility. However, spurred the spirit of Obi-Wan Kenobi he leads the Rebels on a successful attack of the Death Star. Faced with equally daunting odds of the chaos in our own world, including rejection of Church teachings, governments that support suppression of rights for all people, the incessant clamor for material items such as phones, TVs, video games, a social media culture that is more about taking down and edifying, etc. 

Moses tells the Israelites in the first reading (DT 4:32) that there is no other God but the one Lord and this God is with you always even in the midst of difficult times. He enjoins them to follow the commandments and statutes so that they the people and their children may prosper. Rings familiar to some of the themes in Star Wars.

Paul also provides inspiration with his message, " For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but received the Spirit of adoption..." (ROM 8:14).  I find that fear inhibits me from speaking out about my faith especially when people attack the Church. I lack the courage to promote the goodness of the Church especially when people recount their negative experiences with Catholic schooling or teachings in general.  This is in part to wanting not to stand out as one of those Catholics who adheres to the teachings of the faith.  I am like Luke in a way with much doubt. I don't realize the power of the sword as the spirit works in me.

THE SPIRIT IS AT WORK AMONG US

We are not alone in this trek. There are many among us who hold faith that all things are in God's hands, and as such we are not to slink back and become wallflowers. This being said the challenge is not to try to conquer everything at once which happens when we look at the big picture  The disciples we remember began with a small group. We know the rest of the story.

I was reminded of this when this past week when at our church's men's meeting of which I am a co-leader, there was talk of how to proceed on a regular basis. We have been on a hiatus due to lack of interest for over a year but were able to bring in Fr. Jack Stoeger to speak. He provided inspiration for us to carry one despite the small numbers and our own residing priest gave us some ideas to continue as well.  His overarching message was to let go and let God. A moment of clarity for me for as person who is a control freak and desires that everything be a raging success in order to appease me ego. Discipleship and the building of community is through the Spirit and most of the time I see that Spirit is working through others.

Fr. Jack concluded his talk with the final words that Jesus spoke to the disciples, "I am with you always."  Despite the sufferings and challenges we might encounter it is the knowledge that the Father, Son and Holy Spirit is with us. It than becomes incumbent that we take time to recognize this in quiet time and prayer. And just as importantly for me is to recognize that the Holy Trinity is not exclusive, but can be found in all people and in all things good. May the Force be with you.

Knowing the Spirit

PERCEPTIONS

When I was a child my only perception of the Holy Spirit was the prototypical  flames coming down upon a congregation and people speaking in tongues. As a matter of fact I did not even know what speaking in tongues meant.  I remember passing by a small church one day and hearing people in the congregation speaking in a manner that was distinctly different from anything I had ever heard before. When I asked my mother about the occurrence she said, "Oh that is people speaking in tongues." So I left it and that formulated my perception of the Holy Spirit.  There were some questions though. "Why are those people speaking as such and not other faiths?" "Can a person be taught to speak in tongues?" "What language is being spoken?" The inquisitive childhood questions soon disappeared though as I moved on with my life.

Jesus tells the disciples, "When he comes, the Spirit of truth, he will guide you to all truth.(JN 16:13) There lies the age-old question what is the truth? As a person who has taken a circuitous route in my faith journey I can attest that there are quite a few things that appear to promise the truth, enlightenment, and fulfillment.  However, none of these provided me with the answers I was looking for.

THE SPIRIT WORKS THROUGH OTHERS

I read an thoughtful piece this morning from Jennifer Hubbard entitled Pentecost Sunday in the Magnificat. She began by lamenting her cause in calling on God to open her up so that she could know his voice and be obedient.  The piece continues as she talks of repeatedly praying and not finding a response.  I so identified with these moments of desperation. As Jennifer concludes with acknowledging that the Apostles themselves were waiting as well she states that these men of faith were waiting for something they did not understand. 

I find that in my own pleas and supplications many times I wait for a sign, an inner voice, something tangible that I can grab onto and make sense of.  However this is not how God operates when the Spirit is alive within me. I desperately want to control the outcome and thus become deaf to any message that might be conveyed through the Spirit. But all is not lost.

MOVED

At times I find myself unexpectedly thrown into inner prayer or taking an action that does not come from my heart, but from a force that I have decidedly concluded is the Holy Spirit. These actions or words are spontaneous for if I were to think much about what is moving me doubt would set in and all would be lost for I am one who ponders sometimes incessantly about my actions.

The song derived from Psalm 104 Lord Send Out Your Spirit and Renew the Face of the Earth  provides me with additional hope that despite the worldly chaos and tragedy that we view daily, among this is the Spirit, not as strong wind or shaking ground rattling force, but as the small voice moving me to take action and do my part in this renewal.

When God Takes Things Away

STRUGGLING WITH GOD'S WILL

I have posted on a few occasions on my battles with chronic back and neck pain. Last year I underwent successful cervical neck surgery which relieved months of debilitating pain and suffering. Being an extremely active person as well as an endurance cyclist in my free time my mental state was the best as I found myself not being able to do much of anything except go to work and come home. This frame of mind affected my family who underwent their own struggles with my condition which forced my wife and to cancel a longed plan vacation for our 30th anniversary to Italy.

Through this time period I found solace in prayer and readings about others including fellow bloggers who endured their own battles with emotional and physical pain. I would also like to thank the most recent post by Allison Gingras, Undoing Life's Difficult Knots which always seems to be what I need to read on a particular day. I would like to say I am fine now, but that is not the case. Since my surgery my back has been in bad shape and a variety of other ailments from hip bursitis and shoulder arthritis have cropped up. I often question God asking, "How much longer will this go on," taking and modifying the lyrics of the ACE song from "How Long has this Been Going on."  I take the good days in with an attitude of gratitude and try do the same with days that I struggle.

HOW SHOULD I PRAY?

Prayer can be difficult in these times knowing that all things are done according to God's will, but then again I reflect on Jesus telling the disciples, ask for anything in my name and it will be done." This being said why can't I ask for healing or for that matter that there be world peace? The  battle to be the master of my domain is ever present. It is easy to forget that all things are done by God with a yes, no, and not yet. And that is why today's celebration of the Ascension is important to me.

God is a sense took Jesus away from the disciples leaving them somewhat confused despite his directions. What should they do next? Jesus words were quite clear, "Remain in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will remain in my love. Love one another. "  Loving others when one is caught up in their own personal struggles is challenging. Ascending above these earthly struggles is possible as I am not alone.

MOTHERLY ADVICE

Earlier in the week I was confiding with my mother my struggles. She has been through enough herself I thought for me to burden her with my complaints. She is a twice survivor of lymphoma which was supposed to be malignant at the time it was diagnosed. She has overcome breast cancer, the loss of my father to Alzheimers disease and countless other struggles. Her words were this, "Every struggle, every ailment and suffering brings us closer to our final destination which unity with God." Not something I really wanted to hear, but she was right as she has made peace with her mortality and limitations. 

LISTENING TO GOD

Today as I was listening to my daily meditation a challenge was issued. Do I see Jesus as joyful or serious. This was based upon the Gospel passage from John in which Jesus says "I have told you this so that my joy might be in you and your joy might be complete." I am considered a serious person by many and perhaps not joyful. Upon reflecting on this I came to the conclusion that despite my personal struggles I can ask Jesus for joy as well even in the sufferings. 

The reflection went further by asking the listener to take notice of how Jesus only prays once for things knowing that the Father will answer. This is instrumental in demonstrating Jesus unwavering faith in the the Heavenly Father.  How many times do I pray for something. Being that my faith is on the proverbial roller coaster this can range from many to maybe once or twice. With temptations my prayer is repetitive. There is nothing wrong with that as I am human. However with my current struggles perhaps I can shorten my request. When I see a cyclist pedal down a local street on the way to long ride my prayer can be the simple Serenity Prayer and leave it at that. I believe that God will restore all things in time and whether this is my desire to be back on my bike and as active before that is not for me to determine. Sometimes God takes things away to replace them with something better which in itself is joyful.  It is up to me to recognize this. 

From Vineyard to Bottle

PRUNING SEASON

For a person who tends a vineyard, the pruning of the vine is essential in order to foster a quality crop.  Unattended vine will produce fruit, but of low quality and eventually may break and cause the vine to be uprooted.  It is thus with parable of the vine grower in today's Gospel reading, who prunes away the deadened branches so that the vine may produce quality fruit.

I am familiar with pruning away old branches having grown up in an agricultural area that was the home of olives, almonds, plums, peaches, and walnuts. Each year the farmers would head out to the orchards with their workers usually after the crops had been picked and prune the trees.  The old growth would be collected and burned in heaps sending up plumes of smoke throughout the area of the orchards. As a child I would also help with the pruning our own olive trees and peach tree. Up an down the ladder to prune the dead growth which would be bundled up and discarded. When needed an application of a black tar-like substance would be applied to prevent the exposed cut from disease. The shears were always washed as well to preserve the integrity of the tool.

THOSE PRUNING SHEARS

For those familiar with gardening, one of the essential tools is the pruning shears. The gardener armed with the shears heads into the garden trimming flowers, rose bushes, and vegetable plants so that the plants may produce beautiful flowers and sumptuous fruit. The old vines and branches are discarded as well.  Once pruned the plants seem to proliferate. As a tomato grower, I am always pruning away the bottom part of the plant as in will invariably sprout little shoots that become prolific if not cut away, thus producing dense foliage but little fruit.

This brings me back to Gospel. God as the vine grower who prunes away our deadened growth. When we are burdened with heavy fruit which comes in the form of bad habits, vices, and the like we gradually become uprooted from our foundation which is God, the giver of life. The fruit which we produce is not tasty, but bitter. One can readily identify with this if you have ever bought grapes at the market, only to go home take a bite and immediately shake with disgust with the sour taste. It is perhaps like this when we at our worst project the fruit of hatred, resentment, and a unloving spirit towards others. I have been through these times and in retrospect I am amazed that people that people tolerated me.  I was coming out of the ground roots and all that is until Eternal vine grower stepped in - pruning away those defects of character and habits that prevented me from producing good fruit.
Even what seems at times good fruit can be deceiving as one might be involved with work to the extent that it becomes all consuming, keeping us from truly carrying our mission. In time this fruit will turn bitter as well as the branches continue to sprout resembling the many tasks we take on, but not producing anything of quality.

BURNING THE DISCARDS

Discarding the cut growth into the fires parallels the need for daily examination and attending the sacrament of reconciliation as often as we can. Perhaps being reminded by our loved ones about the parts of our behavior that seem to bring out the worst in us is a prompting to do some personal pruning. It is quite easy for me to minimize a defect until it is brought front and center by someone close to me. But this alone doesn't make it easy to cut off the growth, this only comes through prayer. Other than that the behavior is much like the suckers on a tree or plant that continually sprout up from the trunk, taking away the ability to fully grow.

GOOD WINE

I am thoroughly convinced having gone through a considerable pruning that God intends that I produce good fruit and for that matter wine that is of good quality. I need that pruning periodically as something in my life seems to be taken away so that I can refocus on the need for God. I need to remain in Jesus in order to be productive not in a worldly sense, but spiritually.  Not much of a wine drinker I do enjoy a good wine occasionally and I understand the work it takes to get from the vine to the bottle.  We are as such pruned, picked and bottled so that we can pass on good spirits to others.