Retreat

 I have been very blessed to have a week off during the hectic school year. I would like to think that this is what recharges me to finish the school year.  However, it is the quiet time I have in my backyard retreat that allows me to truly seek God in the semi-quiet suburban environment. Planes fly by on their way to LAX, birds constantly chirp, sirens wail as emergency vehicles head to their destination on a nearby surface street, dogs bark at a passerby on the street or in the case of my dog who barks at the small birds that frequent the lemon and avocado tree in our yard.

I find it necessary to have a quiet place away from the mindlessness of television and other distractions in my house where I can quietly reflect on readings, read spiritually writings, write, or sit quietly.  I have been told by some that very few people seek this type of refuge. I can't imagine not having this space. Even when my children were younger I would try to find a place of quiet, but now that one of them is out of area attending college and the other although home does not require much of my attention it is easier.

What do I find during this time? Spiritual gems from Thomas Merton who writes "from nothingness comes clarity" and Fr. Tadeus Dajczer who writes "If you have formed some system of security and God has caused your "manna" to rot, it is done our of love. God will have to to shake you to give you difficult graces in order to rescue you so that you may entrust yourself to God. " These spiritually deep thoughts provide a good deal of reflection for me during this time.

Although Merton was referring to prayer and the habit of creating imagery and thought which is a hinderance to true union with God in prayer, I also find that when I not distracted on some material thought clarity in the form of discernment seems to appear.

Likewise with Fr. Dajzcer reference to security do I find that I have to be shaken from my worldly bonds for me to become closer to God.  Distractions and worry abound in my life. Challenges seem to be frequent whether it be work related, family health, and financial worries. Each one of these is an opportunity to rid myself of the material bondage and entrust myself to God no matter what.

So in this daily backyard retreat I sometimes find answers. As I pondered my day and began to write in my spiritual journey these words on bottom of the page from Rainer Maria Wilke jumped out at me, "Be patient toward all that is unresolved in your heart, and try to love the questions themselves. Do not seek answers that cannot be given to you because you would not be able to live them."