Messages of Hope and Messages of Grace: The Power of Scripture during Crisis and Doubt

Fellow Catholic blogger Allison Gingras recently posted a inspirational piece on dealing with anxiety and worry.  As a person who has recently had to deal with more than my usual share of this over the last seven months and particularly the last month I became increasingly aware of God speaking to me through Scripture this past week.  This is not a lament on my sufferings but the opposite, being provided with the grace to find God in all things. So I decided to document my past week as it was reflection on the trials that some of us face and yet are able to survive through the infinite grace of God. Yes God does speak, but necessarily through voice, but His words.

Monday July 10

Fast approaching a week that would involve having a pre-operational check -up, follow up dental work for crowns that needed to be put in before surgery (both crowns were a result of two emergency root canals) and an MRI for persistent lower back problems, along with the usual daily challenges I found solace in Psalm 91 response for Mass, In you, My God, I place my Trust. Oh how reassuring as I assessed the week ahead of me.  

In the Gospel Jesus cures the woman had suffered from hemorrhages for twelve years who only touches his cloak. His response to her action is "Courage daughter! Your faith has saved you." He then proceeds to  cure the officials daughter despite skeptics who saw his action as ridiculous. The woman is of particular interest to me as she approaches Jesus knowing of his ability to heal, but not willing to ask, but only touch him. Perhaps this because of shame. This makes me wonder about approaching God in prayer for what seemingly can be insignificant requests. The very fact that I can have faith should be enough, but isn't always the case.  

Message to me the believer who is sometimes doubtful of the power of the Risen Christ, "Have faith!"

Tuesday July 11

Busy day. First to the Pre-op appointment. During this time I find out that there was miscommunication with my primary care doctors, the surgeon's office and my cardiologist in regards to the paperwork that should have forwarded. Somehow there was miscommunication but it works out.  "Though you test me heart, searching it in the night, though you try me with fire, you shall find not malice in me." (Psalm 17).  I find out that all my vitals are well. 

Onward to an MRI for my lower back which has had given me all sorts of problems from tingling sensations in the leg to outright weakness. As I see it another test. For those of who have never had an MRI for the back or neck, it means at least 20-40 minutes inside a tube. I have some trepidation about the outcome of the results, but I spend time inside the tube praying. I have had six MRI's at this facility that the technician and myself actually know each other now and it is reassuring that he is a man of faith. 

Once again a passage from Psalm 17, I will call upon you, for you will answer me, O God; incline you ear to me; hear my word. In Matthew Jesus goes around curing every disease and illness.  There is a peaceful reassurance that all will be well. At the same time he tells his disciples. The harvest is abundant but the laborers are few. Here I see that I am being asked to be a message of hope and not dwell on what seems to be attacks on my well being and soul. 

Wednesday July 12

I start my everyday with morning prayer and meditation. Reading from the Magnificat I encounter Psalm 59, Rescue me, God from my foes;  and later on O my Strength, it is you to whom I turn.  On the same page from 1 Corinthians 10:13, "No trial has come to but was is human. God is faithful and will not let you be tried beyond your strength." Oh how I will need this today. 

I am hit with a sudden bout of a urinary issue that sends me on  roundtrips to the bathroom for three hours. Confused by this as I underwent a battery of tests at the hospital the previous week for my upcoming surgery, I begin to question what God is doing to me. When will this stop? My body seems to be in some type of warfare with itself.  With this brings on anxiety and worry.  The only relief I find is in prayer entrusting my will, my health to God, letting him drive this broken vehicle.  Through all of this I also find peace in the Ignatian Suscipe prayer.  Lots and lots of prayer get me through this day. 

Thursday July 13

Ah yes the dentist. Today more tests and trials. Being that I am having surgery it was necessary to have all dental work done ahead of time since I will not be able to have any work done for at least  two months. So I venture to the endodontist to be examined for the root canals that were performed two weeks ago to make sure that there are no complications. I find that once there I was scheduled for the next week. I know that I was scheduled for this day, because the next week I am prepping for surgery. More time for surrender. No particular passage from today's Mass resonates, but only to place my trust in the Sacred Heart of Jesus. My crowns are successfully put in and off I go hopefully without any complications since I have a persistent infection that will not go away and might need further treatment. 

Friday July 14

"Trust in the Lord and do good" Psalm 37. More trials as my body goes through another round of issues causing me to eventually visit the local urgent care.  I was discharged without diagnosis. In the process I find that I have lost 3 pounds in three days. Somewhat scary for a person who eats well. I also find myself under spiritual attack as the temptation to entertain evil thoughts seems to be ever present.  Once again I find solace in Psalm 37, "The Salvation of the just is from the Lord; his their refuge in time of distress.  I somehow make it through the day shaken, but grateful for the fact that I have the tool of prayer and Scripture. I can also find the small things that bring peace such as sitting outside and enjoying the doves serenading, the birds tweeting, and the gentle breeze that seems to arise as I sit still on the deck. 

Lessons taken from this week

Each and every trial is a chance to surrender unconditionally to God. It is a chance to turn what is seemingly bad to something good by drawing on the fact that I am so powerless over everything including my own body. Saturday's Gospel message reassures me that I need not be afraid for I am worth more than many sparrows. Turning to my heavenly Father in these times brings me every so closer. I know what lies ahead of me as I go into surgery this upcoming week, other than I am taken care of. Keep me in your prayers.