Can I Pass?

Reflecting on the readings today I see Gideon and Peter expressing doubt about what is being asked of them. Gideon from a lowly family is asked to lead Israel over Midian whereas Peter is asking Jesus what is in this journey for us if we have gave up everything already. In our society planning out one's future is considered wise and many look upon those who have such plans such as "I will go to college obtain my degree and then go to grad school and become a doctor,"  as intelligent and goal driven. I once aspired to greater things as well, but God had other plans for me.  Don't get me wrong planning is a necessary part of life.  But when plans forget the will of God the obsession of money, power and prestige take over only leading one further from God's intended purpose for us.

Who then can pass through the eye of the needle? Have I really surrendered everything? Think of passing through the eye of the needle.  There is no room for extra baggage as it will prevent one from squeezing through.  Has the obsession for the afore mentioned vices hindered the passing? What else am I hanging on to? Resentment, anger, sloth? Each one of these prevents me from being in full union with God and others so I my as well discard them. If I struggle with this then I can ask God to help me for I wish to pass.

Mary in My Life

                                                                 The Rest on the Flight into Egypt, Gerard David

For the last few days I have been contemplating my relationship with Mary, especially since today is the Feast of the Assumption.  What role does she have in my life? Do I truly seek her as an intercessor? Having been catechised in my early childhood but not quite understanding the purpose at the time or the theology I find myself deficit in many areas of the faith.  Understanding Mary is one of them.

Yes I have prayed the rosary on occasions and now understand the purpose, but I still feel as though I don't have the right relationship with Mary.  Although my knowledge of the faith and Mary's role as a mother is more developed as I devote an increasing time to re-educating myself as a Catholic something seems to be missing.

Perhaps I need to better understand the sacrifices Mary made as she raised her son or even before that as she is told of the impending birth of Jesus. For me my journey to understand our Blessed Mother begins with a reflection today as I pray the Hail Mary.  From this point I endeavor to have a better relationship with Mary.

Jesus and Healing

I am sure every individual who prays has asked for immediate healing of some sort for either themselves or a loved one.  It is only human nature.  As I reflected on the gospel reading today I could not help of thinking of the many times that I wanted immediate responses to my prayer as Jarius pleaded.  However, his plea was one of faith knowing of Jesus and his recent ministry.  But what about the woman along the way to the residence of Jarius?  She had endured suffering for twelve years and had sought medical attention for an equal amount of time losing her own money during this trial.  Her hardship parallels the suffering of many who endure countless amounts of money and time seeking cures for maladies and diseases.  What can we learn from her?

I harken back to my original statement about asking for healing and immediacy of results.  This woman demonstrated faith.  Just touching Jesus' cloak was enough for her.  “If I but touch his clothes, I shall be cured.”  Her faith resonates with Paul's acclamation in 2 Timothy 4:7 in which he states "I have kept the faith" knowing that his life was coming to an end.  The woman having endured suffering but having faith even despite the failings of medical professionals somehow knows that Jesus is the answer.  Knowing this I can take a page from this passage and apply it to my life when I want answers to my prayers or my daily trials and tribulations. Faith endures.  The message is clear this past week when reflecting on Abraham's faith journey in Genesis. Abraham is blessed with a child despite Sara's barrenness and his age. All things are possible with God and through Jesus.

Fear and Pentecost

Hiding in the house for the fear of what might become of them Jesus' followers were suddenly overcome by Holy Spirit. What they then go on to do through discipleship is build the Church. Pope Francis in his "Joy of the Gospel" encourages us to fully arm ourselves before we go into battle.  Otherwise lacking confidence we are destined to defeat.  Much like our brothers and sisters of old we are faced with a skeptical and cynical world which decries the teachings of Jesus and the Church.  Are we to remain in our houses for fear of what others might think of us if we do proclaim the Gospel?  Are we to appear under the influence as some described in Acts, "they have had too much wine," and then use that very fear of being judged as a deterrent of what we are being called to do.

Pope Francis calls upon the word of St. Paul "My grace is sufficient for you , for my power is made perfect in weakness" in the Joy of the Gospel.  He implores us not to take upon the spirit of defeatism.  Although not under the persecution suffered by others in nations in which Christians come under the threat of death for religious practices, we in our nation have become mired in a malaise that can be just as deadly.  I am very much guilty of this in many areas of my life whether at home at or at work. I tend to sanitize my beliefs instead of taking to the road as the early Christians did.  One of my favorite Christian musicians Ike Ndolo sings in his song "At the Sound" in the first line "We will stand for you." What is preventing me from doing this. Saint Francis said, "Preach the Gospel and when necessary use words." Is it the fear of words that I may use? It is the fear of rejection for my beliefs and my convictions no matter what the cost? It is how this may affect my reputation? For me it is all of these. Maybe looking at the words of St. Francis and preaching by my actions is the easier route? Following Jesus and proclaiming the Gospel is not easy in this day and age.  Realizing that I cannot do this on my own and calling on the Holy Spirit is the key. Surrendering my will and my ego brings me in communion with will of God and then, and only then am I ready to step out. 

Slow Down: God is Watching

Driving in Southern California traffic can turn a perfectly calm normal person to an impatient, and angry,  driver.  People slamming their breaks on while texting on the freeway, drivers waiting for the last possible moment to cut in to an onramp and thus making those following them slamming on their breaks to avoid a collision.  Not to mention the aggressive driver who flies up behind you, causing you to brace for the impending rear-end collision or those who just don't seem to know how to drive in the rain (too fast or too slow).  So what does this have to do with God?

Leaving work today I found myself caught in the usual traffic snarls which have a tendency to grind on my nerves.  I would just like to get home without slowing down to a two to three mile 30 mph crawl.  Not happening today.  Traffic was first fast and then slow and then fast again.  Isn't this a reflection of life? Upon getting on the freeway and honking on my horn  a few minutes earlier at someone who was probably lost and tried to cut in on a clogged onramp I proceeded my journey.  Later realizing that this person had out of state plates and was confused, I said a quick prayer.

Fifteen minutes later 10 minutes from home a distracted driver continues to slam their breaks on causing me to become incensed and flash my lights in an attempt to get them to move.  God had other plans.  Within a mile traffic comes to a grinding halt.  Close to home, I know the exits well and proceeded to find one close to home.  Moving across lanes, I try to navigate into the far right lane to exit and a person in a Porsche speeds up so I cannot immediately exit and than slows down to let me in.  I still have seen the picture yet.  Exiting I come upon a homeless person who is asking for money.  Slow down, is this the face of Christ? When did I see you when you were hungry? Always carrying a Granola bar for this occasion I realized that this was a message prepared for me.  Slow down, see my face among you.  I quickly gave the man the bar before the light changed and rejoiced in God;s humor as well as laughed at my insane actions during my journey.

Lord Jesus Christ Have Mercy on Me a Sinner

Reflecting on John Michael Talbot's book, Nothing is Impossible with God, I have found a profound connection with this past week's readings.  Talbot dedicates multiple chapters on the rosary as well as the Jesus Prayer.  This prayer I uttered many times without contemplating its deeper meaning.  As a teenager my mother gave me a book of prayers for college students.  The one prayer that stood out was the Jesus Prayer and I would revisit it in some of my difficult times.

From Tuesday's readings I find Azariah pleading, "Do not take away your mercy from us," as he endured the fire and then again Peter asking the Lord about a brother who sins against him. Jesus reply was we know "seventy-seven times." Putting that in perspective for myself who in my human sinful condition can replay harms or what I might perceive as harms over and over again, can easily forget the term mercy.

Thursday we are taken to the Gospel of Luke where Jesus instructs the hardened hearts of those who were looking to test him by stating the house divided against itself will fall." As a teacher and student of history this passage has always appealed to me as it is the very message Lincoln used in his speech to the Illinois Republican Convention in 1858 as the United States inched closer to war over the slavery issue.  But from a very personal perspective I find that this house is myself in my duplicitous nature. Trying to carry out the will of God is challenging at times and I am quite quick to impose my will on situations.  I am part of the group  Jeremiah says are those stiff necked people. However, there seems to that inner voice that brings me back to the Jesus Prayer. "Harden not your hearts,"  the psalmist cries.

Talbot's dissection of the Jesus Prayer has brought a clearer understanding of the mercy of God. understanding the deeper context of the meaning of each of the words in the prayer and the Greek translation has opened my eyes to the need of not only for  God's  mercy on me, but for me not rely on my own abilities to be merciful.  My prayer is "Grant that I have mercy on those around me as you have had mercy on me.

I Rescue Them When It Is Cloudy and Dark

In Ezekiel 34:11-14 we hear the Lord say "I will rescue them from every place where they were scattered when it was cloudy and dark." In today's reading the image of the good shepherd is projected in Micah and the Gospel reading from Luke.  When are we rescued? Do we have to be as the prodigal son and go to the depths of darkness before we realize that there is a better way? Many of us have ventured into the darkness of the world in search of a better life only to find that we were delusional. What we found was an unrelenting emptiness as the search of riches and gratification was pursued. Prayers seemed to go unanswered.  As the son stated in Luke when he comes to he senses and realizes that he truly has nothing "here am I, dying from hunger. I shall get up and go to my father." You know the rest of the story.

It is at this point that in our human nature we may have hit that proverbial bottom than we are ready to give up our way of life for a better way.  For some it may come after many years of internal personal battles. For others it may come after a life changing event.  Whatever the case the Lord is ready when we are.  Those cries of desperation are now answered. "I cry aloud to God, cry aloud to God that he may hear me, " says the psalmist. The Lord in his infinite mercy has heard our cry. The darkness and clouds dissipate. The sun shines and a new life is found.  Only that we remember that this must be a daily cry in our venture in the world of darkness. We become the light as Christ shines through us to others who may have endured a similar plight in their journey.