Getting My Fill

RETREAT

During this Lenten season I participate in an online retreat from Jesuit Ministries in the United Kingdom. Each online session is around 17-18 minutes long and is based on a specific theme. The overarching theme of this years retreat is Into the Wilderness.  This week's theme is A Place of Nurturing and as usual with the session I was challenged, in this case to look at my complaining.

WHAT ME, A COMPLAINER?

The Scripture passage focused on Exodus 16:1-4, 13-15 of which the Israelites are complaining to Moses about wandering in the desert and not having food. The underlying question was God providing for them and is God providing for me even when I complain. The answer is yes and yes.

Being a political person at heart I always have complaints. Ditto for being a sports fan with officials being my favorite targets. Work, yes I have complaints. Why do we always have to wait for the end of year for a raise, why doesn't anyone at the top listen to our needs. As a Southern California resident I complain about erratic driving and the never ending traffic. It really hit me that I am a complainer as the facilitator talked about the passage when the Israelites complained and manna rained down on them. This was after they had complained about pretty much everything.  And yes I am in the same boat walking in my own spiritual desert. Where is the oasis? Where is the promised land? Why do I need to suffer?

OVERFLOWING GRACE                                

Then the tables were turned. The session facilitator talked about how the Israelites did not even know what to do with the manna.  I figured this meant sometimes we don't even know when we have our fill when it is right in front of us. I am blessed so many times during the day and yet I am so blind. The question for the listener was did you have your fill today? My answer is yes. I have been blessed with the food that I grow in my garden with plentiful greens and broccoli. Daily I gather what I need for salads. My wife had just prepared an awesome corned beef meal being it St. Patrick's Day. I was baking a loaf of bread. I have more than my fill. I have a safe place to live and a decent job. I have family and friends.
God is good. I repeat God is good. This is for me as I soon forget and  will probably level a judgement on someone or something in the next hour.

COMPLAIN TO GOD AND THEN WHAT?

Finally the listener is told to complain to God. What would you like to take to God. For me it is chronic pain. I don't do well with it and as I have been in physical therapy for six plus months and keep having setbacks I took this opportunity. After all those were the instructions. Prayer is a two way street. I was told to listen for God's response. It was uncomfortably quiet. What do I have with my health is that I have made significant recovery following major surgery and that is a blessing. I am able to exercise though not at the pace I would like to. But that is how it is. Acceptance is the answer. I am given what I need. I have heard of the Acceptance prayer commonly that is used in recovery circles. For me the prayer applies as well.  It is as follows:

“…And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today.  When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation – some fact of my life – unacceptable to me and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.  Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God’s world by mistake. (Alcoholics Anonymous Pg 449)

I recently read Tony Agnesi's blog entry entitled "Be the One" which focused on the being the one who is not complaining or spreading the latest dirt about others. This was another reminder of one of my Lenten challenges of not judging others.  My complaining was front and center. But through God's infinite grace these things are revealed to me so that I can make the necessary change as I walk in the desert of life.

GRACE

I am also reminded of the Matt Maher song Your Grace is Enough.  God has been faithful no matter what I think. Moreover as the retreat facilitator said we have our fill for just this day and that is all we need. Today's reading from the Book of the Prophet Ezekiel reminds us that we will rise from the grave and then again in the Gospel of John we see Lazarus arise from the dead. Perhaps we are guided to do the same during Lenten. Rise up from weight of our sins, embrace God's grace and live anew.

Your Grace is Enough

Great is your faithfulness oh God of Jacob
You wrestle with the sinner's wrestless heart
You lead us by still waters into mercy
When nothing can keep us apart

So remember your people
Remember your children
Remember your promise, oh God

For Your grace is enough
Yeah Your grace is enough
Yeah Your grace is enough
Yeah Your grace is enough for me

Great is your love and justice God of Jacob
You use the weak to lead the strong
You lead us in the song of heaven's victory
And all your people sing along

So remember your people
Remember your children
Remember your promise, oh God

For Your grace is enough
Yeah Your grace is enough
Yeah Your grace is enough
Yeah Your grace is enough

For Your grace is enough
Yeah Your grace is enough
Yeah Your…

Matt Maher 2003