We have given up everything

AM I REALLY GIVING UP EVERYTHING?

"We have given up everything" Peter exclaims to Jesus after the young man is sent off dejectedly as he is unable to part from his wealth (MK 10:17-30).  This passage always prompts some self-examination. How much material and wealth am I storing up and does it really provide happiness? I also look at those who use the Prosperity Gospel to advocate a life of excessive wealth and wonder have they forgotten that Jesus himself was not rich, that there are starving people everywhere on our streets and in nations around the world,  but let me begin with myself.

So after hearing the readings I begin the inventory process. Here are areas where I fail. As a teacher I dress professionally shirt, tie, slacks. My problem is that I have shirts for at least two weeks of work. I like to vary the combinations, but do I really need all of the shirts?  What else to I have which I don't need? In a culture that is oversaturated with materialism it seems that I need a little of everything.

Is it that Pumpkin Spice at Starbucks? Or that juicy hamburger from In'N'Out? We are told that we need these things and for those whose financial needs allow for them to live comfortably this sometimes comes without much thought. The question is how much should I give up? Afterall I worked hard for my money, spending long hours at work, working overtime, building up my savings over the years. Yet I feel empty.


Paul talks of the word of God penetrating us to the bone (HEB 4:12-13) Nothing he says is able to escape it. So I must stand naked in front of my maker and render an account. What will I say about the time that I withheld from giving a homeless man a jacket that he needed more than I as he shivered on cold winter morning? And all those shirts and extra pairs of running shoes?  And the money stored up for a comfortable retirement, a dream trip, college tuition for the children, and the grandchild.

THE QUESTION

So how is that a sinner like myself can be saved? God always provides a way out. Perhaps it is the first reading from Wisdom (7:7-11). Praying for the wisdom on how to use the gifts that God has blessed me with; a well-paying job, reasonable health and mind. It is here that I can look at how to give, it is here that I a sinner give up my right to control that which I has been given to me by graces of God. Allowing the Holy Spirit to guide me in the process and not depending on my own devices to decide. Much like the author of Wisdom, I have found that all good things come to me even though I may not immediately recognize the graces that have been bestowed upon me. It is here that I can give everything up and follow Jesus with my own cross knowing that He has walked this path before and will walk it again.

Whoever causes ...

DRIVING THE ROAD OF LIFE

We all know the passage well especially as parents, "Whoever causes these little ones who believe in me to sin..." It makes one feel as if we are under the microscope all the time.  If one thinks about it we are in a sense. For those of us who have trained out children to drive this readily apparent. I remember that once I started this process I was extremely sensitive to how I reacted to erratic drivers. All I could think of was my children have been watching me, will they pick up the same habits I sometimes demonstrate of anger and rage.  This also applies to life in general.

AT OUR BEST AND WORST

It is sometimes easy to forget that our children are watching us all the time whether is be in our consumption of goods, in my case occasional uses of profanity when I am angry, judgement and condemnation of those I don't agree with, and the list goes on. Even though my own children are adults now, they are still watching.  I personally don't want to face the moment when I ask the children about a certain behavior, and I get the response "that is what you do."  I would prefer that my children see me in moments of restraint, in prayer, morning silence, charity and the like.


In the second reading (JAS 5:1-6)James talks of the wealthy and their impending misery. Once again I am aware of how my children watch and how I react to money. If I make money the end all and am in the constant search of pleasure my children see that and likewise begin to think that money buys everything including anxiety, and the unfulfilling desire to have more. However, if my children see that I use restraint and am generous with what I have been blessed with, my hope is they will do the same.

AND FINALLY 

I read this past week a blog post from author Christopher West who took today's gospel passage “And if your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out. Better for you to enter into the kingdom of God with one eye than with two eyes to be thrown into Gehenna.” Modern adaptation: “If your iPhone causes you to sin, throw it away. If your laptop causes you to sin, get rid of it.”  There could not be a better adaptation. Besides the obvious implications of his translation, one must also look at the time we use with our devices. Is it causing us to disconnect from the responsibilities of parenting? Are we lost in the addictive cycle of negative news and other trivial events? I struggle with wanting to know the latest in the neverending news cycle. But really, how much of that is a benefit to me? Does it cause me to become agitated, judgemental and condemning? And can my time be better spent? Yes, yes and yes. For today I choose life in Christ and to be an example of this life to my children even though they are adults. 

From today's Psalm R. (9a) The precepts of the Lord give joy to the heart.
The law of the LORD is perfect,
refreshing the soul;
the decree of the LORD is trustworthy,
giving wisdom to the simple.
R. The precepts of the Lord give joy to the heart.
The fear of the LORD is pure,
enduring forever;
the ordinances of the LORD are true,
all of them just.
R. The precepts of the Lord give joy to the heart.
Though your servant is careful of them,
very diligent in keeping them,
yet who can detect failings?
Cleanse me from my unknown faults!
R. The precepts of the Lord give joy to the heart.
From wanton sin especially, restrain your servant;
let it not rule over me.
Then shall I be blameless and innocent
of serious sin. 
R. The precepts of the Lord give joy to the heart.

Which Seed Am I?

FINDING MEANING

I have always enjoyed reading the passage of the sower and the seed (LK 8:4). For many years it was nothing more than another passage. But after years of being the seed that fell among thorns it became more meaningful. However, I never put together that I was each of the seeds at any given time during the course of the day. 

THOSE ON THE PATH

As I alluded to I have this passage for many years. I can attest that I was the seed on the path. Although I heard the word it was quickly taken away. I felt that I could never be saved in my sinful state. Thus the seed was eaten up as soon as it hit the ground of my inner being. There was no need for me to try to listen for I was in a hopeless state of sin. "What is the use?" The birds flocked all around me and plucked away at me. 

THE ROCKY GROUND

Later I would take to actually listening to the word. It made some 

sense to me, but once beyond the doors of the church and the world of temptation, it too became withered and quickly burned up for I had no spiritual foundation. The world was more appealing anyway. Why would I want to actually take time to develop a spiritual foundation.That was too much work and required nourishment which I shied away from. 

THORNS

Thorns are a true pain. For those that hike through the countryside or through mountains, getting cut up is part of the journey. For myself the venture outside to the lemon tree which so abundantly provides us fruit is also an adventure. Reaching into the tree for that perfect lemon, can also result in receiving a nasty prick. Such is the seed that fall among the thorns. It begins to grow, but is soon entangled by the thorns of anxiety, pleasures, and the desire to be comfortable. Each one of these pierces the individual,  drawing attention to their needs to conform to the world. Much like the disciples who while walking with through Galilee with Jesus and who although followed Jesus teachings were dismayed by his proclamation that he would handed over and killed (MK 9 30-37). Instead of accepting this they began discussing who would be first falling prey to the human ambition to be recognized and important.  I personally find this a challenge on a daily basis. I want to be seen, to be acknowledged for my "good works." But who am I serving? The human need to fulfill this desire is quickly overcome with the thorns of the bramble and the action no longer is about serving God, but oneself. The seed that was once a healthy plant is strangled and gradually dies. 

RICH SOIL

God always provide a road out of the abyss if one truly seeks it. The seed that falls on the rich soil as it full of the proper nutrients and is watered well will become a healthy plant and bear fruit. Being a gardener this resonates profoundly with me. The soil nutrients are the sacraments, prayer, meditation, and fasting and the water is  the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit guides me to perform good works, to serve others, and to accept suffering through perseverance. I hope that the fruit I bear is not that of the lemon tree, but that of the apple; sweet, juicy, and delightful. 

THE CROSS

Daily I must bear the cross of being a fallen human being. At times I am the seed on rocky ground, hearing God's word, but quickly forgetting. Thus I become scorched without any roots. It seems that my spiritual foundation is far away and I am cast out without an anchor. Other times, choked by  anxieties and ambitions I wander aimlessly into the world and quickly die, falling trap to greed, the desire to please, to fill my empty soul. Paul states in Romans 7, "What I do, I do not understand. For I do not do what I want, but I do what I hate." But thanks be to God I am rooted in the word therefore I find hope. 

The Bike Ride

A TIME FOR REFLECTION AND GRATITUDE

I have been blessed to get back on my road bike recently and ride three days a week. This time for me is a release from the stresses of my job teaching and life in general. It is also a time for spiritual reflection.

DISTRESSED AND DOUBTING

Today was no different, but I was deeply distressed. Again at Mass we heard about the sexual abuse crisis, this time from a visiting priest from Ireland. His homily as always prompts one to think about their relationship with God and the parish community itself. He talked of Pope Francis visit to Ireland and the demonstrations that were taking place as well as the Pope's visit with survivors of abuse in the Irish church.

Later on in the afternoon before I went on my ride I was reading various Catholic blog posts from fellow bloggers in the Catholic Blogger group. I found myself emotionally moved by posts from both lay people and those serving in various roles in the church.

A couple of hours later I was on my bike for a gusty ride down to the beach. It was at this time I begin to reflect on what I heard and read today. These were the questions that came up and mind you I was disturbed with some of these thoughts.

• What if the Church has been hiding other things as well such as the validity of biblical teachings.
• How does one talk to a priest about their doubts of Church's hierarchy?
• Should the Church change its policy on married priests?
• What can be done about the sexual abuse crisis?
• Should the church examine and rethink its approach to human sexuality?
• How can I trust priests and those in power in the Church?
• What can I do as there has been many suggestions the whole Church is hurting?
• Should I fast?
• What if everything about our faith is lie?

WHAT IS NEXT?

It was at this point that the Divine Mercy prayer began to take hold of me as I pedaled in stiff crosswind. "For the sake of his sorrowful passion have mercy on the Church. For the sake of his sorrowful passion have mercy on those in authority in the Church. For the sake of his sorrowful passion have mercy on those affected by the abuse crisis...." As hard as it as all of this was to pray I found myself somewhat at ease, but with still many questions. I was also reminded that Mary is with us forever as well waiting patiently for me to approach her and ask for guidance. I know that we are in turbulent time both societal and in the Church. I have to remember no to make any one person a higher power, no matter who they are. There is only one God and that God will always be faithful to me even when I as sinner wander off as I have so many times. I am reminded of the U2 song I will follow in which the refrain is as follows:

If you walk away, walk away
I walk away, walk away
I will follow
If you walk away, walk away
I walk away, walk away
I will follow
I will follow

U2 1980

No matter where I go Jesus will be there with me even as I am greatly troubled as today. 

Choices

SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO?

Whenever I hear today's Gospel passage I am reminded of the Clash song Should I Stay or Should I Go. Never mind the rest of the lyrics, it is the question itself that I must ponder daily. Should I follow Christ or go off on my own because of teaching that does not agree with me who is mired in the flesh. Even more profound is the same question that some might be considering in light of the most recent sex abuse crisis.

Since I have taken the road of the flesh which is as Jesus states, "while the flesh is of no avail," I can say that option of spirit is more appealing, but not necessarily easier.  So essentially what it come down to is this, "Do I want eternal life?" This not a decision that I take lightly nor do I really know what this eternal life holds for me. I am sure it much better than my life here on earth.

FAITH STRUGGLES

I like those in the Gospel struggle with the Jesus statement in John 6:54, "Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him on the last day." I question at times the reality of Jesus being alive in the Eucharist and in the cup. But there is something that keeps me coming back. This is the Spirit. I am drawn again and again to come back, to believe that Jesus is present in the host and in the cup. "This is my body which is given up for you. Take this all of you and drink from it, for this is the chalice of my blood."  Since I am doubter of sorts, I must pray "I believe, help me in my unbelief." 

I have been pondering all this week about the bread of life discourse. How can I explain it to my Protestant friends or non-believers, "Eat this of it, for this is my body." The reality is I can't other than through faith.  I am allowing Jesus to live in me and knowing that my sins are redeemed in him dying for me is all I need. I don't have the theological background to go into detail. I just trust that if the time comes I will be able to explain this mystery of faith. 

DECISION TIME

The choices to believe that Jesus is truly present in the Eucharist and follow his teachings are clear. God does not tie me down and force me to belief anything. I have the freedom to make my own choices and left to my own devices have done so often with much despair and failure. But there is something about being nourished by the bread of life and by the Spirit. It is though I am filled with after eating a hearty meal, but when the the body begins to hunger I am drawn again to Mass and communion. Moreover, I believe that the Spirit also beckons me to my fill of spiritual reading, prayer, meditation, and acts of goodwill. Finally as Peter stated in today's Gospel, "Master, to where shall we go?"  I have experienced the other side and it is immense void full of empty promises, self-indulgence, and long list of other tempations. So the answer is I will stay today as I know that tomorrow I have the choice to leave. 

Living one day at a time; 

enjoying one moment at a time; 

accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; 

taking, as He did, this sinful world

as it is, not as I would have it; 

trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His Will; 

that I may be reasonably happy in this life

and supremely happy with Him

forever in the next. 

Serenity Prayer

 Reinhold Niebuhr (1892-1971)

Ingredients

FIRST BITE

The first bite into the the pasta plate in front of you is bursting with a multitude of different tastes.  The zesty sauce brought alive with wine and plum tomatoes, a hint of seasoning as well as the garlic.. For those spend most of their time in the kitchen instead of heading out to the local In and Out this is what makes cooking so enjoyable, the ingredients. Most people have baked or cooked something at some point in their life, however to know what composes a great dish is to know the ingredients, the tastes, and the exact time to pull the dish off the stove or out of the oven.  There is deep connection to the food. The good cook knows it inside and out.

JESUS KNOWS US WELL

Such is the case with Jesus who knows us as well, our brokenness and goodness, what makes us tick, what sets us off, what makes us distraught. However, this is not the case of Jews who think they know Jesus questioning each other after Jesus states "I am the bread of life that came down from heaven." They murmur amongst themselves, "Is this not Jesus, son of Joseph? Do we not know his father and mother?" (JN 6:41-51)They are further taken aback by the statement and question how Jesus say that he came down from heaven. That in itself is heresy.

DO I KNOW GOD?

This brings up the question, "Do I really know God?" I can't even count the number of times when I think I know what God has planned for me only to be surprised. Probably better said I try to play God and plan accordingly knowing what is best for me. It is much like a food that one has a preconceived notion about and has vowed to never taste it, but once taking a bite is pleasantly surprised by the tasty ingredients.  I don't know what God consist of nor have I seen God. I can only fashion an image that is based on a preconceived notion based on the ingredients that I have obtained during my life.

THE LESSON

I have to consider that  do I not know God well as I would like, but through faith I have encountered unconditional love that cannot be matched.  However, there is another message in John's Gospel today which we can apply to our daily lives. Do we know the people we judge and condemn? A  good friend of mine always reminds me when I talk about how I can be condemning and judging, "Do you know their story?" Something I always need to consider. I sometimes don't even know what makes the people closer to me tick as I overlook the ingredients that make them up. So before I cast a judgement, I need to take a closer look at the person. I need to listen and be present. I need to look at the ingredients. 

Leftovers

LEFTOVERS ANYONE?

When do know when God is talking to you? I have no experience with God talking to me directly at least that I can remember. I do have many memories of being prompted by an inner voice that stirs me to take action or by a scripture reading that provokes further meditation or thought.  Last Sunday was no different. The homily given by our residing deacon spurred a further reflection on the idea that although the focus was on the multiplication of the loaves and fish, there was another message, one that get typically overlooked - that of the remnants of food or what I call leftovers.

I previously wrote about cooking which is something I enjoy as I find it creative, therapeutic, and a way to bring family together. With many dishes the food is bursting with taste on the day is prepared, but the following day the leftover meal always seems to even tastier. These leftovers leave one savoring the test at times wanting more. Moreover, if on day of the preparation there is plenty to go around one gives the guest take home plates. It is this that Jesus is asking us to do as well. It is not enough to just eat or in our case go to Mass and participate in the taking of Communion, we are to go beyond the doors of the church to spread the Word.

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?

Jesus had to explain to those that followed him across the lake to Capernaum that he was the bread they were seeking (JN 6:24). This was done after they asked for a sign from him, not really understanding who he was. Signs as we know are only temporal, much like anything else we encounter in the world. It is here one moment and then gone. People may talk about an event years later, but its memory becomes fleeting as time moves on. Much like a good loaf of healthy bread Jesus will nourish us. As one becomes more in tune with their spirituality they realize that this nourishment is vital for survival.

EMPTY CALORIES

Jesus on the other hand as the true bread of life sustains us in word, spirit, and body. He leaves us

with leftovers as we are nourished through the Spirit. However, there is a caveat to this. If the attending Mass becomes just a ritual without substance we become much like a person who craves fast food, goes to McDonalds, orders a Big Mac meal and finds themselves hungry a few hours later. They are not filled due to the empty calories. We have to make sure that attending Mass does not become just another fast food experience. On the other hand a healthy meal full of the food pyramid groups serves to sustain. This is the liturgy, full of the word of God, Communion, and song as well with the community of worshippers.

PREP WORK

I know that with cooking there is plenty of time dedicated to prepping the meal. Washing and cutting vegetables, marinating cuts of meat, making a good sauce, are all part of the process. For me going to Mass is the same. I cannot just show up five minutes before Mass as I know from experience that I will leave with little. Attending Mass involves reading Scripture early in the morning and having a considerable amount of time for prayer and meditation. Then and only then am I ready for meal and thus can take leftovers to the world beyond the church doors.