The Bike Ride

A TIME FOR REFLECTION AND GRATITUDE

I have been blessed to get back on my road bike recently and ride three days a week. This time for me is a release from the stresses of my job teaching and life in general. It is also a time for spiritual reflection.

DISTRESSED AND DOUBTING

Today was no different, but I was deeply distressed. Again at Mass we heard about the sexual abuse crisis, this time from a visiting priest from Ireland. His homily as always prompts one to think about their relationship with God and the parish community itself. He talked of Pope Francis visit to Ireland and the demonstrations that were taking place as well as the Pope's visit with survivors of abuse in the Irish church.

Later on in the afternoon before I went on my ride I was reading various Catholic blog posts from fellow bloggers in the Catholic Blogger group. I found myself emotionally moved by posts from both lay people and those serving in various roles in the church.

A couple of hours later I was on my bike for a gusty ride down to the beach. It was at this time I begin to reflect on what I heard and read today. These were the questions that came up and mind you I was disturbed with some of these thoughts.

• What if the Church has been hiding other things as well such as the validity of biblical teachings.
• How does one talk to a priest about their doubts of Church's hierarchy?
• Should the Church change its policy on married priests?
• What can be done about the sexual abuse crisis?
• Should the church examine and rethink its approach to human sexuality?
• How can I trust priests and those in power in the Church?
• What can I do as there has been many suggestions the whole Church is hurting?
• Should I fast?
• What if everything about our faith is lie?

WHAT IS NEXT?

It was at this point that the Divine Mercy prayer began to take hold of me as I pedaled in stiff crosswind. "For the sake of his sorrowful passion have mercy on the Church. For the sake of his sorrowful passion have mercy on those in authority in the Church. For the sake of his sorrowful passion have mercy on those affected by the abuse crisis...." As hard as it as all of this was to pray I found myself somewhat at ease, but with still many questions. I was also reminded that Mary is with us forever as well waiting patiently for me to approach her and ask for guidance. I know that we are in turbulent time both societal and in the Church. I have to remember no to make any one person a higher power, no matter who they are. There is only one God and that God will always be faithful to me even when I as sinner wander off as I have so many times. I am reminded of the U2 song I will follow in which the refrain is as follows:

If you walk away, walk away
I walk away, walk away
I will follow
If you walk away, walk away
I walk away, walk away
I will follow
I will follow

U2 1980

No matter where I go Jesus will be there with me even as I am greatly troubled as today. 

Choices

SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO?

Whenever I hear today's Gospel passage I am reminded of the Clash song Should I Stay or Should I Go. Never mind the rest of the lyrics, it is the question itself that I must ponder daily. Should I follow Christ or go off on my own because of teaching that does not agree with me who is mired in the flesh. Even more profound is the same question that some might be considering in light of the most recent sex abuse crisis.

Since I have taken the road of the flesh which is as Jesus states, "while the flesh is of no avail," I can say that option of spirit is more appealing, but not necessarily easier.  So essentially what it come down to is this, "Do I want eternal life?" This not a decision that I take lightly nor do I really know what this eternal life holds for me. I am sure it much better than my life here on earth.

FAITH STRUGGLES

I like those in the Gospel struggle with the Jesus statement in John 6:54, "Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him on the last day." I question at times the reality of Jesus being alive in the Eucharist and in the cup. But there is something that keeps me coming back. This is the Spirit. I am drawn again and again to come back, to believe that Jesus is present in the host and in the cup. "This is my body which is given up for you. Take this all of you and drink from it, for this is the chalice of my blood."  Since I am doubter of sorts, I must pray "I believe, help me in my unbelief." 

I have been pondering all this week about the bread of life discourse. How can I explain it to my Protestant friends or non-believers, "Eat this of it, for this is my body." The reality is I can't other than through faith.  I am allowing Jesus to live in me and knowing that my sins are redeemed in him dying for me is all I need. I don't have the theological background to go into detail. I just trust that if the time comes I will be able to explain this mystery of faith. 

DECISION TIME

The choices to believe that Jesus is truly present in the Eucharist and follow his teachings are clear. God does not tie me down and force me to belief anything. I have the freedom to make my own choices and left to my own devices have done so often with much despair and failure. But there is something about being nourished by the bread of life and by the Spirit. It is though I am filled with after eating a hearty meal, but when the the body begins to hunger I am drawn again to Mass and communion. Moreover, I believe that the Spirit also beckons me to my fill of spiritual reading, prayer, meditation, and acts of goodwill. Finally as Peter stated in today's Gospel, "Master, to where shall we go?"  I have experienced the other side and it is immense void full of empty promises, self-indulgence, and long list of other tempations. So the answer is I will stay today as I know that tomorrow I have the choice to leave. 

Living one day at a time; 

enjoying one moment at a time; 

accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; 

taking, as He did, this sinful world

as it is, not as I would have it; 

trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His Will; 

that I may be reasonably happy in this life

and supremely happy with Him

forever in the next. 

Serenity Prayer

 Reinhold Niebuhr (1892-1971)

Ingredients

FIRST BITE

The first bite into the the pasta plate in front of you is bursting with a multitude of different tastes.  The zesty sauce brought alive with wine and plum tomatoes, a hint of seasoning as well as the garlic.. For those spend most of their time in the kitchen instead of heading out to the local In and Out this is what makes cooking so enjoyable, the ingredients. Most people have baked or cooked something at some point in their life, however to know what composes a great dish is to know the ingredients, the tastes, and the exact time to pull the dish off the stove or out of the oven.  There is deep connection to the food. The good cook knows it inside and out.

JESUS KNOWS US WELL

Such is the case with Jesus who knows us as well, our brokenness and goodness, what makes us tick, what sets us off, what makes us distraught. However, this is not the case of Jews who think they know Jesus questioning each other after Jesus states "I am the bread of life that came down from heaven." They murmur amongst themselves, "Is this not Jesus, son of Joseph? Do we not know his father and mother?" (JN 6:41-51)They are further taken aback by the statement and question how Jesus say that he came down from heaven. That in itself is heresy.

DO I KNOW GOD?

This brings up the question, "Do I really know God?" I can't even count the number of times when I think I know what God has planned for me only to be surprised. Probably better said I try to play God and plan accordingly knowing what is best for me. It is much like a food that one has a preconceived notion about and has vowed to never taste it, but once taking a bite is pleasantly surprised by the tasty ingredients.  I don't know what God consist of nor have I seen God. I can only fashion an image that is based on a preconceived notion based on the ingredients that I have obtained during my life.

THE LESSON

I have to consider that  do I not know God well as I would like, but through faith I have encountered unconditional love that cannot be matched.  However, there is another message in John's Gospel today which we can apply to our daily lives. Do we know the people we judge and condemn? A  good friend of mine always reminds me when I talk about how I can be condemning and judging, "Do you know their story?" Something I always need to consider. I sometimes don't even know what makes the people closer to me tick as I overlook the ingredients that make them up. So before I cast a judgement, I need to take a closer look at the person. I need to listen and be present. I need to look at the ingredients. 

Leftovers

LEFTOVERS ANYONE?

When do know when God is talking to you? I have no experience with God talking to me directly at least that I can remember. I do have many memories of being prompted by an inner voice that stirs me to take action or by a scripture reading that provokes further meditation or thought.  Last Sunday was no different. The homily given by our residing deacon spurred a further reflection on the idea that although the focus was on the multiplication of the loaves and fish, there was another message, one that get typically overlooked - that of the remnants of food or what I call leftovers.

I previously wrote about cooking which is something I enjoy as I find it creative, therapeutic, and a way to bring family together. With many dishes the food is bursting with taste on the day is prepared, but the following day the leftover meal always seems to even tastier. These leftovers leave one savoring the test at times wanting more. Moreover, if on day of the preparation there is plenty to go around one gives the guest take home plates. It is this that Jesus is asking us to do as well. It is not enough to just eat or in our case go to Mass and participate in the taking of Communion, we are to go beyond the doors of the church to spread the Word.

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?

Jesus had to explain to those that followed him across the lake to Capernaum that he was the bread they were seeking (JN 6:24). This was done after they asked for a sign from him, not really understanding who he was. Signs as we know are only temporal, much like anything else we encounter in the world. It is here one moment and then gone. People may talk about an event years later, but its memory becomes fleeting as time moves on. Much like a good loaf of healthy bread Jesus will nourish us. As one becomes more in tune with their spirituality they realize that this nourishment is vital for survival.

EMPTY CALORIES

Jesus on the other hand as the true bread of life sustains us in word, spirit, and body. He leaves us

with leftovers as we are nourished through the Spirit. However, there is a caveat to this. If the attending Mass becomes just a ritual without substance we become much like a person who craves fast food, goes to McDonalds, orders a Big Mac meal and finds themselves hungry a few hours later. They are not filled due to the empty calories. We have to make sure that attending Mass does not become just another fast food experience. On the other hand a healthy meal full of the food pyramid groups serves to sustain. This is the liturgy, full of the word of God, Communion, and song as well with the community of worshippers.

PREP WORK

I know that with cooking there is plenty of time dedicated to prepping the meal. Washing and cutting vegetables, marinating cuts of meat, making a good sauce, are all part of the process. For me going to Mass is the same. I cannot just show up five minutes before Mass as I know from experience that I will leave with little. Attending Mass involves reading Scripture early in the morning and having a considerable amount of time for prayer and meditation. Then and only then am I ready for meal and thus can take leftovers to the world beyond the church doors. 

Being Fed

THE JOY OF FOOD

Food has always appealed to me, especially as a person who enjoys cooking. I look to the challenge of the preparation, the cooking, knowing when the particular dish is ready, and the taste test. In a way I have become a food critic, having developed a sense of taste over the years. This particular art was developed at a young age in my parent's kitchen as they always prepared our meals and we rarely ventured out to eat as there were so few quality eateries in the rural area that I grew up in. Having spent many years watching and assisting my parents in the kitchen cultivated my tastes, My food experience was a combination of Italian, German, and whatever else my parents decided to stir up.
Being married to my wife of Mexican-Japanese descent my horizons in this area have broadened along with the easy access of millions of recipes found on the web. I have been extremely fortunate to live in an area of Southern California where one can pretty much find any type of ethnic food they desire as well.  Consequently I am always fed with a variety of tastes which have multiplied over the years.

OH NO! NOT LIVER

Being fed spiritually is another story. Much of my adult life was spent avoiding spiritual food like a one avoids their least favorite food, in my case liver. Although I attended Mass weekly, my inner being was not being fed. Taking communion was just another obligation along with Mass attendance, The Sacrament of Reconciliation was an empty ritual that little to no effect on my hardened soul. It was as if I was being fed with food that had no nutritional value. This of course was entirely because I was not in place spiritually to truly taste and see the goodness of the Lord. I avoided spiritual reading much like child revolts against a certain food being served at the dinner table.  Yet I was still hungry not knowing what this emptiness actually was.

FEEDING THE REBELLIOUS CHILD

God does have funny ways of working with people. It was as if the most nutritional dish was put before me time and time again which I turned away from. Patient like a parent who is trying to instill good eating habits to a stubborn child, God knew that a some point I would give in to my hunger for goodness. A new food that is exploding with a bouquet of taste would bring me back to the table again and again.  There would be no more rebelling against the liturgy, communion, and the teachings of the Mother Church. I was being filled but would still hunger. However this hunger would not be one of futility, but the desire to quench the spiritual void with more.

MULTIPLYING BLESSINGS

The story doesn't end. In the today's Gospel from John (JN 6:1-15) we see Jesus multiplying the loaves for the hungry group of men who followed him. Here I see the need to be fed daily by Jesus and also feeding others.  It  isn't enough just to be fed but to share with others the Good News, the spiritual food for life. For me this is similar to a chef who is constantly looking at new foods to add to menu and opportunities to bring in new clientele. Many opportunities exist from the call I have received (EPH 4:1-6) to continue on with work of the Lord and carry on the message of faith, hope and love.

The Call

SIGNS OF THE TIMES

As I reflect on the events of this week in our nation and view the vitriolic rhetoric that is hurled through cyberspace and the news cycle I am more convinced that we as a nation need to take a step back and truly look at our faith.  Recently I was driving and saw a bumper sticker that read something like this "Pray the Rosary, Save our Nation." How appropriate I thought, but how many people really take that to heart.  I am disturbed by social media posts by people who declare themselves Christian in my own circle who then react in such a non-Christian way to people who demonstrate compassion for immigrants, people in need, etc.  Where are the prophets? Where is the voice or better yet who is the voice?

THE MESSAGE OF JOHN

And then we come upon today's Solemnity of John the Baptist. John broke the mold of what the typical prophet should be.  Just maybe we are asked to do the same. What if we all took upon the life of simplicity and proclaimed as John did the coming of Christ? Or better yet what if we actually took upon the teachings of Christ in turning the other cheek, praying for our persecutors and those who oppress the poor instead of using the angry but empty blares of social media?

ON CUE

Pope Francis' intention for the month was "That social networks may work towards that inclusiveness which respects others for their differences." A quite appropriate prayer this month in our nation indeed. I have been challenged from reacting on numerous occasions as I read incendiary responses from people I know who post reflect ideology that I do not agree with. So far with God's grace I have not posted a single reply. 

HOPE AND THE CALL

Today's second reading from Isaiah proclaims, "Though I thought I had toiled in vain/ and for nothing, uselessly, spent my strength,/ yet my reward is with the Lord. It seems at time that very passage is relevant today. The voice of love is truly crying out in the desert landscape, " Make way for the Lord." It seems to be drowned out by the almost animal-like howls of hate. Living out the Gospel is a truly a calling. 

Think of traveling in through the desert today. At least in some areas of the the Southwest United States one can find areas where there is no cell phone coverage. For some their is that panic. "Oh no there is no access!" Perhaps we should take that to heart as a blessing. What if we actively sought to travel to the deserts of our own hearts, put down the phone or device, and reflect on the poverty of our hearts, the parched landscape of our interior, and listened for the true voice. Perhaps we are asked to be that light to others.

The Spiritual Journey: Of Seeds and Maturity

NOT KNOWING

I like many others have taken the long path to arrive at a life of spirituality. Did I know this would occur? No I am like the man in the Gospel reading of which Jesus says “This is how it is with the kingdom of God; it is as if a man were to scatter seed on the land and would sleep and rise night and day and through it all the seed would sprout and grow, he knows not how." (MK 4:26).  I see myself in this as both man and the seed. 

NOT YET GERMINATED

Much of my life had been spent in ignorance of the workings of God or down right rejection of the Church teachings. I was living life much like the parable of sower and the seed falling and being choked by weeds and thorns (MK 4). I cannot count the times where I would hear these parables on Sunday's and then go out and live a life of blasphemy and sin. Seeds were being planted in me but they needed water for I was dry in spirit. These seeds come in the trails and tribulations of life as well as the various relationships and people I have encountered. Some people have made a lasting impact and their seed has permanently planted in the soil of my being. Others seem to be like the seed that is scattered in the wind, blowing away to be never seen again. As I see it I was not ready to follow the Father, Son or Holy Spirt. 

THE JOURNEY OF THE SEED

But a seed was planted, a small seed at that, the mustard seed if you will. My soul was stirred as the seed germinated, not yet ready to break through the soil. With some spiritual watering and a spiritual awakening the seed burst through the soil. However, this sprout was in the light was in the need of other seeds to provide some shade so that it would not be burned by the ways of world as well as well as the waters of the Spirit to provide growth. As I continue to grow spiritually I find that I am very green in many matters especially the knowledge of Church teachings. 



As a seed grows it develops a trunk to stabilize itself so it does not fall over. The trunk is nourished by water and fertilizer of which comes with daily readings, meditation, attending Mass, and partaking in the sacrament of reconciliation.  Thus the plant matures as new branches begin to extend out into the light. With these branches come the grain. If well developed head of the grain will have many seeds that can be harvested or in the case of the mustard plant a bright flower burst out which will eventually become the seeds.

SPREADING THE SEED

It is here that I have realized that I am to spread the seed. As a father this is extremely important to me.  For if I am not able to spread the seed of the Gospel to my own children, I have failed in vital area of my life.  The question of how might one spread the word was posed today in my daily meditation. I think it begins with family and then within our various relationships and communities.  However, none of this can happen if one is still green and not fully mature. I continue to ask God to guide me in this area for even as somewhat green mustard plant I now know that I do have a role in God's kingdom.

A Prayer for Fathers
Lord you have watered me and watched me grow.
Your eyes never leave me and your hands guide me.
Help me in my journey so that I may plant the seed of your love and way
for my own children.
Sprinkle me with the fertilizer of the Spirit so that I may grow strong in you.
Help me mature so that I can spread your seed to my own children.
Strengthen my faith so that I may not waiver and bend to ways of the world.
This I humbly ask of you, Amen.