You Think As Human Beings Do

ME AT THE HELM

Nothing is more true when one finds themselves in trouble due to their own human thinking. Jesus rebuke of Peter as he desperately tries to hold onto a human understanding of God's will is a lesson for us as well. The innate desire to control the outcome of situations that are beyond our control only causes heartache, anger, resentment, and the list goes on. For myself this is a daily challenge as I find myself meandering in the inner recesses of my mind in a fruitless endeavor to manage my own life.

I am human therefore I think. That in itself is quite good. I am thankful that I have the ability to do so. However, if I even attempted to measure my thought process in an hour, where my mind goes and how I try to control situations I become an obstacle to the presence of Holy Spirit much as Jesus tells Peter, "You are an obstacle to me. You are not thinking as God, but as human beings do" (MT 16)

YES THE CROSS

I find that most of the time I don't even pause to allow God into a situation that might be troublesome or challenge. I impulsively dive right into it sometimes with good results, sometimes with marginal results, and sometimes creating more problems than what were originally present.  The cross is not something I want to intentionally carry by  giving up my will and offering my body as a living sacrifice as Paul exhorts us in Romans.   He is quite clear as he enjoins us not conform us to this age, but be transformed by renewal of your mind in order to discern the will of God so that we can be good, pleasing, and perfect.  Much easier to be pleased in this day and age then follow Paul's plea to the Romans.

Carrying a cross in our society is far from this message. The easy way out is offered to us at every corner whether it be real or that which is anchored in the recesses of our minds. Moreover, it is easier to go our own way as the Fleetwood Mac song says and ignore the cross.  I heard about two priest today in the homily given by one of our pastors who detailed each of their roads to the sacramental calling. One was a successful hairdresser in Montreal who had it all; the money, the world travels, the nice house and vehicles, and the other was a successful aerospace engineer who had tremendous success as well as wealth. The hairdresser lost his job, house, and money and subsequently ended up on the streets. The engineer despite his success found emptiness in all that he had and heard the call to the priesthood instead. Thinking that more money, more cars, more everything, is very much the message of American definition of success.  We don't pay attention nor do we hear much of those who carry the cross of the Gospel because our media doesn't find value in this.

THE PURSUIT OF EMPTINESS

I can think of the many times in my desire to become a successful person whether in my profession, coaching, parenting, and just being a person living the "American Dream" that I find myself coming up empty. The platitudes are temporary in my quest and leave me desiring more and coming up with less.  As this occurs I find myself coming back to God over and over again. Yes, Psalm 63 rings true as it says, "My soul is thirsting for you, O Lord my God. Sometimes this is after failure and fault. Other times it is after relentlessly pursuing a goal that may be self-centered.

FINDING WHAT I AM LOOKING FOR

"What do want from me?" is my cry. Maybe it is time I listen and follow Paul as he talks or renewal and Jesus as tells his disciples, "Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself and take up his cross." (MT 16:24) Self denial just might be want the answer is. For me this may mean an examination of how I am living and what am I pursuing. Lately I have been faced with the challenge of recovering from neck surgery along with having back problems. Although my surgical recovery is coming along fine, I want God to fix my back and I want it right now. The question is posed am I asking God to come into each event in my life and denying myself the right to control the situation? Most of the time the answer is no as I prefer to think as humans do. However, when this is done I find myself more at peace with outcomes and at peace with myself in general.

As I continue my life journey despite my desire to control situations I am constantly reminded whether in Scripture or just the events of life that thinking like a human usually doesn't get me anywhere. Inviting God into the challenges of my life and having acceptance of the outcome no matter what the cost is a cross I must carry if I want true life.

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Giving in or Giving up

As I listened to the guided meditation podcast from the Jesuits in Britain today, I was struck by the contrast of the message from today's Gospel from Mark. We read of John the Baptist who is put in prison by Herod and eventually executed. John gave up his life so that Jesus could live and proclaim the word of God. Conversely we also read of Herod who gives into the demands of his wife who he unlawfully married and eventually kills John.

GIVING UP OR NOT

And where do I fit in this story? As I wrote in a previous post I believe there are no coincidences in Scripture. It speaks to us if our hearts and minds are open to it. In looking at John one finds a person who is willing to sacrifice his own life and was unwavering in his message, not compromising himself to the whims of society nor to the very threats to his existence. "He must increase; I must decrease," was his words to his followers. John's words about repentance were very clear even to those who might harm him, yet he carried on.

Here I find myself hesitantly desiring to please God. I want God in my life, but am I willing to go the extra yard and let others know no matter what the consequence? Am I willing to turn my life unconditionally over to God and repent in all my ways. Giving up myself and those things that I hold onto in times of difficulty such as resentment and judgement. Not yet.  Yes, let God increase in my life, but I want this done conditionally. I don't want God prompting me to speak out when people unfairly criticize my faith because I don't want to offend anyone. I like my comfort zone. But John makes one thing clear as he lays the path for Christ teachings, being a believer can and will be uncomfortable. It may even require a very personal sacrifice, but after all this is an example of what Christ did on the cross as well.

GIVING IN

I find it much easier to give in. Herod was perplexed by John and liked listening to him. Perhaps he even considered giving up his marriage as he was drawn to this radical man who preached without fear. Herod even feared John as he knew John was holy as stated in Mark. However, when faced with the decision of sparing John's life, Herod falls to the desires of his vengeful wife. 

Giving into desires and temptation is something we always be faced with. Do I follow my desires and verbally blow someone up on Facebook because I know it will please others? Do I engage in gossip because everyone else is? Do I allow myself to be controlled by what others think of me and therefore take actions that are contrary to my faith? The list goes on and on. I can trace the numerous times where I have given in to all of the above. No I did not kill anyone, but certainly my words or actions were not constructive. There is a Herod in me. The people pleaser, the person who desires that everyone like him, the person who can compromise my values when it seems convenient. This is the easy way out. Being like John is difficult and requires unwavering faith. But I am not taking on this challenge alone.

THE CROSS

Over and over again the Scripture remind us we are in God's hand. Psalm 118 gives us hope as the Lord is called upon despite insurmountable odds and provides refuge. Psalm 34 provides us reassurance that the Lord will answer our call even though we may be burdened. Both the Old Testament and New Testament have various passages that encourage us to take upon the challenge of living out the word of God. The book of Maccabees presents us with the mother and seven sons who were not willing to compromise their beliefs even in the light of a torturous death knowing full well of the consequences.  Leaning on these and many other passages should be reminder that we don't have to compromise our beliefs no matter how difficult the situation can be. The cross of truth may seem heavy as we carry it but we have help in the One that has preceded us. 

No Coincidences Here

I have come to believe that in the timing of our Scripture readings is by no means coincidental. There have been many a time where I have been struggling in dealing with personal issues, work issues, and even health issues in which I open my daily readings only to see a message from either the  Old Testament, Psalms, or New Testament that is crystal clear. Sometimes the message seems to be applicable to events around me, but in the case of today's readings it seems quite clear there is a message for our nation. It is not only given once, but four times.

Let us begin with the first reading from Isaiah. The author uses the word foreigners to describe those joining themselves to the Lord. There is no duplicity in the message. The passage ends with the writer describing a house that will be a house of prayer for all people. I imagine a church that upon review includes people of all races. I happen to live in an area that is reflective of that. However, our presiding priest today challenged us to look deep inside ourselves in wake of the Charlottesville tragedy. Where do we have prejudices that are not always evident. Are we reflective of this house that the Book of Isaiah describes?

Psalm 67 responsorial is "O God, let all the nations praise you." Once again a message of inclusivity. The Gospel message of love is not just for selected people it is for all. I know that it is quite easy to discriminate thinking that a certain group is selected to hold the Gospel truth, but somehow I don't think that would be Jesus' message.

Paul in the Letter to the Romans implores the Gentiles to follow the Gospel message. He utilizes the word mercy as God is merciful with those who once disobeyed and wandered away. The final sentence states " For God delivered all to disobedience that he might have mercy upon all. Once again the word all stands out.

Finally in the Gospel we encounter an Canaanite woman whose daughter is sick.  This woman was quite possibly of mixed heritage being from Sidon and Tyre. The woman was an outsider and is thus treated as so by the disciples as they tell Jesus to send her off. To know that the woman is considered a lesser person is important for two reasons. One being her gender in a society that was patriarchal,  but also as a foreigner there is a clear class division.  Jesus seems to be ignoring the woman the group continue their journey and following the suit of the disciples. But we must remember that God's ways are not our ways. After speaking exclusively of the lost sheep of Israel, Jesus does something that I imagine startles some. He replies to the woman who pleads with him for help using the metaphor of dogs eating scraps from table knowing that this woman would be by many considered a dog. The woman's faith in the power of someone she does not even know, but quite possibly has heard about is rewarded. What is for us to gain here?

Even in turbulent times such as what we are encountering in our nation and throughout the world we are asked to be faithful. Yes I would like many people to be fixed and would love to have an audience with God in which I could present such a list. But that once again would be my plan. God is a God of surprises, to borrow Gerard Hughes book title. In my own life I can reflect on numerous times God when I allow God to drive the car that I have been pleasantly rewarded by His mercy and grace. The very fact that I am writing this blog is one.  Going to God daily and praying for those who pursue the message of hate is important to me,  for without this exercise I know that I can become hateful as well interiorly. That is why Scripture is important for me.

The word of God does not have to be that booming authoritative voice emanating from heaven. It can be found in Scripture and nothing is more evident than that today amidst the violence that continues to divide out nation. The challenge becomes loving those whose purposeful intent is to spread hate and violence. We are a nation that is made up of many peoples, beliefs, and religions and as the readings today provide us we are all one.

The Real Life Challenges of the Gospel

A CHALLENGE IN FACE OF TRAGEDY

I could no help but think when leaving Mass yesterday that inside the Church the congregation was very much in the presence of Jesus, but upon leaving the doors we were cast out upon the waves much like the disciples in the day's Gospel.  Even more profound was the focus of the Mass by the visiting Fr. Lawrence who always provides opportunity to reflect on events, today being the tragic outcomes in Charlottesville Saturday. He really zoomed in on the idea that we all have fears and prejudices, some don't manifest themselves as outwardly as what occurred in Virginia, but if we allow them to manifest they can rise their ugly head in manners that may seem inconceivable.

As a history teacher I see the events that unfolded as a pattern of increased hate towards those who are different whether by skin color, belief, sexual preference and religion.  It seems that we are taking a turn for the worst as some people becoming increasingly intolerant of any thing that might threaten their security. As a believer in Jesus Christ, I see this as an opportunity to embrace the teachings of Christ even more.

WE DON'T FORGET THE PAST

Father Lawrence took us a journey during the homily as he recounted a visit to Auschwitz some years ago. He told us of his interaction with a group of youths from Israel as they entered the ghostly gas chambers where uncounted number of Jews were killed and the ensuing despair and sorrow that encompassed the group as they remained momentarily in the unit. "We know what happened there." he stated, but what brought people to this point was his question. Labels and proclaimed superiority was the answer. His message was clear, this can happen again if we allow it, maybe not on the same level of the Holocaust, but such events as Charlottesville are a wakeup call for us to truly live the Gospel message of love. This means even in the face of tragedy we are called to love those who incite hate and promote violence.


And if this message is not reminder, it is no coincidence that we celebrate the memorial of Saint Maximilian Kolbe. Yes God does speak to us, especially as Catholics when we remember the lives of saints who so valiantly live out the Gospel even in the most dire of circumstances. Furthermore in today's first reading, Moses implores the Hebrews to respond the message to love and serve the Lord for the Lord has no favorites. The Lord befriends the alien so the people must do the same and likewise for the orphans and widows.

HOW DO I LOVE THOSE WHO HATE

As Father Lawrence reminded yesterday, living the Gospel is not easy especially in times where it is much easier let the ugly face of hate to simmer. I would like to think that I bear no ill feelings towards people and I can be quite adept on putting on that face, but upon a thorough examination and with a prayerful attitude I find otherwise. So what are my steps to rid myself of these sentiments. I have found that among those who blog here there have been some wonderful tips on using the Rosary. It has been mentioned that in praying the Rosary that each bead one prayers for a person. In this case I might pray for all those who I bear ill feelings. Another tip that I just recently used was in praying the Divine Mercy Chaplet each bead was dedicated to those people in the news who have exemplified actions of hate. It is amazing how quickly these beads are filled with those people. I only hope that with these actions and the actions of those who truly live out the Gospel that we can begin to repair the polarized state of our nation. Holy Mary Pray for us.

In Search of You

In search of You

As a child I only knew you only by name

My actions always bringing shame

You were the Zeus, the lighting bolt cast down

Forever bringing me low to the ground

Oh how I feared you, your power to break me

Your punishments only to shake me

In my youth I gave up looking for you

Who could be so terrible sending tragedy, casting people about

Off I drifted onto the sea with just glimpse of you 

The light on the shore

I longed for the pleasures of the world

Work, money, success and more

I did not have courage of the great king Solomon

Only asking for to know right from wrong

The more the waves of the sea churned

 The emptiness in my soul burned

Finally left on the waves without an oar 

Needing desperately to get back to shore

It was You I was looking for

The Light, the Answer

You guided me to open the shell, to find the jewel

My soul now enlightened I opened it, no longer the fool

Where can I find more of this truth I pondered

No longer the youth who aimlessly wandered

I found Him who loves me so

Who never left me despite me thinking so

He who guides me even when I veer astray

He who takes my hand leading me through the fray

He is treasure in the field

His love boundless without yield

The treasure in the chest, the fish in the net

His being is forever set

How Much Longer?

WE ARE THE CHILDREN OF ISRAEL

The children of Israel complained as they wandered through the desert led by Aaron and Moses that they would have been better off dying in Egypt than in the Although the seed had been planted in the form of their liberation from the Pharaoh, they were still not content. They were very much like the seed that had sprung up, but was scorched by the sun (in their case literally). We too wander much like the people of Israel through our own personal deserts and the deserts of our culture.  We are replenished at times with joy in the form of food and pleasure that seems short lived.  We may suffer from personal tragedies, health issues, relationships that seem to have sour." How much longer will I have to put up with this issue, sickness, or person,"  we cry out. We are those very children of Exodus as the seed of our faith becomes hardened and burned.

THE ROCKY SOIL

What prevents us from being the seed that takes root in the rich soil? Anyone that has garden extensively or farmed knows that prior to a crop being planted the soil must be cultivated, broken up, and amended. This is an annual ritual for those of us who garden. In the early Spring I begin taking out the soil from my vegetable beds and carting to the compost pile. I then take the composted soil which has been hopefully nurtured with plentiful rain water (yes this year it actually rained in Southern California) grass, fruit, and vegetable scraps and begin transferring it to the beds. Experience tells me that just using the soil that was in the beds from the previous year produces poor crops. Seeds planted in this soil will shoot up
but soon die as they lack the proper nutrients. This sudden burst of energy is similar to the seed of the faith that brings excitement and joy only to dwindle away with any type of hardship. It has not been nourished thus altogether disappears.

NURTURED SOIL                                             

Since sometimes the soil in my garden becomes dry over time and loses nutrients that compost can not always replace it becomes necessary to add organic soil amends. With this material the crop when planted receives the sustenance needed to become a healthy plant. I haven't asked my plants lately about how they feel about this, but if I were to compare it to my life or even that of people of Israel I can find that they too needed signs from God such as quail and the manna that populated the ground after they complained about the lack of food. For that matter my spiritual life is dependent on receiving communion and attending Mass as much as possible. Although my faith wavers at times and the constant question arises how much longer must this go on, God never abandons me.

LETTING GOD NOURISH US

Much like the plant that is nourished by the proper amount of water, compost, fertilizer (for my plants only organic) and tender care, we becomes givers of life.  It is no longer a complaint of how much longer when things are rough and life doesn't conform to our personal desires, but finding God in these challenges. Prayer, prayer, and more prayer and the will to surrender our desires to control things allow for life giving actions. Not conforming to the natural ability to complain, but to allow life to flow from God one becomes much like my favorite tomato plant below. This plant  was a volunteer, but with all of above components it has been giving for four months. I allowed it to come up through the soil, excited for what it might be and have not been let down as it has been producing for four months and I in turn have been lavishing my neighbors with the crop. 

The plentiful grape tomato plant nourished by compost and amended soil

Hurry Up and Slow Down

WHAT TO DO?

So it has been six days since I had neck surgery and I am finding being restricted  quite a challenge.  I would like this recovery process to fast forward so that I can get on with my life, my teaching, my goals as a cyclist, my dreams. You see I like to live life at a fast pace occupying myself with something each second of the day.  I always start my day with morning prayer and meditation followed by scripture reading. But at times I just want to rush through that as well.  Matthew 11:28 makes the theme of rest quite clear as Jesus states, "Come to me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest."

VOIDS AND GOALS

I don't like think of myself as burdened, but upon reflection I find that I am my own biggest burden with my worries, preoccupations about the future and the future of my children and of the world in general.  Perhaps this is a time of spiritual renewal and I need to conform as there is plenty of time in my day now that is spent just sitting quietly outside and not thinking about anything. Perhaps I am also being asked to look long term at my own life goals as in three to four years I will be retiring from a lifetime of teaching middle school. What voids need to be filled? I would like to think that I have all this figured out, but I know otherwise. God is in control.

God is in control of my health, my liberty, my all. Take, Lord, and receive all my liberty, my memory, my understanding, and my entire will, all that I have and possess. Thou hast given all to me. To Thee, O Lord, I return it. All is Thine, dispose of it wholly according to Thy will. Give me Thy love and Thy grace, for this is sufficient for me. A difficult prayer, but having used a similar prayer over the years, I find it easier to pray. 

THE CHALLENGE

Slowing down is a challenge for me. I want to complete everything on time and too perfection. I have read from numerous bloggers and people who post on surgical recovery forums to really take recovery seriously. Slow down, strictly follow doctors orders, don't do anything crazy. My friends tell me the same. I have been blessed with relatively good health over the last 33 years teaching to the point that I have accumulated plenty of sick days while I am off  from teaching. Still the desire to perform to perfection infiltrates my being as I am constantly devising plans so that I will be in contact with my students every day via video.  Yet in Mark 6:31 Jesus commands his disciples "Come with me to a quiet place and get some rest." Ah the word rest. Is this is what I am being told to do? What about my 10000 steps that I want reach every day? After all the doctor was clear about not being sedentary and then she remembered, "Oh yes you are the endurance cyclist." I promised her I would be active not staying seated for more than an hour.  

So what does God want with me during this time? Maybe more time in prayer. Maybe the Rosary which is something I have intentionally avoided for years as I worry about how much time I will spend. Yes there I go again. I am on this earth for a relatively short amount of time and I try to plan every living moment. For the next seven weeks I hope to find something to fill this void besides the daily plans that I will have to submit and work that I will eventually have to correct. Oh the joys of the digital age; work even follows you home when you are recovering.  I do have a few books to read,  Jennifer Fulwiler's Our Father and Gerard Hughes' God, Where Are You? I still have plenty of tomatoes to pick and blocks to walk.  But more importantly I have the time that God has provided for me, for what purpose that is to be determined.