Rambling a Bit: Writer's Block and the Holy Spirit

NEEDING INSPIRATION

I don't always get up on Sundays inspired to write. I like many hit a wall, have writers block, run out of ideas, and sometimes don't even want to think about writing. Consumed by the crazy schedule of one adult child's Sunday soccer games, a recent visit by another child with a one month old baby, and the life of a working adult, writing seems like a chore, but there is something that always inspires me from fellow writers and from what I see as the Holy Spirit moving me to sit down and write. Today was one of those days. I had no intention to write until I read the Mass readings in the Magnificat along with the meditation that accompanied it. The passage was from the bestselling author Vann Voskamp who is a frequent contributor and focused on a conversation about cancer. Paraphrasing the main idea' "cancer cells are known as the cells that only benefit themselves," or as Ann Voskamp states in the final lines, "Cancer is what refuses to die to itself." How beautifully stated.

I then can see that James and John in their worldly aspirations have been infected by this cancer. More importantly I can see that this is also my principal problem as I trudge the road of attempting to live out a Christian life. Being a very driven person and wanting to prove myself to anyone and everyone I don't like the idea of surrendering my ambitions to God. But after hitting so many walls in my drive, I have come to believe that I that very cancer that Ann Voskamp alludes to alive and kicking in me. 

JAMES AND JOHN

My desires and longings are brought to God every morning much like James and John. The conversation goes like this, "God you know that I desire _________ and I have been patient about waiting. How much longer will I have to wait? I know that you know what is best for me and that I don't want to carry the cross of impatience or even the answer no." Then I catch myself. The cancer is spreading again. This all about me. I am not surrendering to the will of God, but putting demands on God. I am not dying to self nor am I acting as if I'm willing to serve.

SERVING OTHERS

Becoming a servant to others is such a foreign concept in our society. I see how people demand service and entitlement. As for myself I can honestly say that taking this attitude has only brought me resentment and anger as I affix unhealthy expectations on people and institutions for things that best serve me.

Conversely I have found greater joy in serving others. There is something about helping those in need. Perhaps it is that the cancer is being treated by the Holy Spirit and there is no longer that self-obsession. The eyes are opened to the needs of others or as Jesus says "the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve (MK 10:35-39)