Awake or Awakened?

AWAKE AND AWAKENED

This morning I was listening to my daily meditative reflection which focused on the Advent theme of being awake. However, it wasn't so much as focusing on us being awake which is important, but trying to find what God has awakened or tried to awaken in the individual over the past year. I particularly like to focus on the present. For one it seems that I don't have a lot of time to focus on the past and two I like many try not to focus on the past as it sometimes brings back memories of my not so best moments.  The reflection really provoked me to search for what has been awakened in me this past year.

I have a tendency to focus on the negative so this was quite challenging. What has been awakened in me? The past year has been quite challenging for me with constant pain due to neck issues that required surgery and then as the recovery process took place back pain that has become chronic and debilitating at times. Knowing that this has caused me considerable of amount of emotional and psychological pain is quite clear. Also knowing that these conditions have affected those around me as well has awakened in me the every burdening defect of self-centeredness. A good thing? Maybe God is utilizing my pain to help me rely more on his grace, to take each day, each hour, each second as a moment of his infinite love for me. Although this is difficult because I don't like pain as it puts a crimp in my plans socially and for physical activities such as cycling which has become a passion of mine.

WHO IS AT THE CONTROLS?

What has awakened in me is a clear sense that I must accept these hardships along with those that affect family members and friends as well. Thus acceptance and surrender are key. I am not in control. Oh, how that pains me to come to that realization. I am a control freak. I like to plan things out whether it be family activities, trips,  long term lesson plans, life, and the list goes on. I become agitated when the train derails or takes an alternative route. Conceptually I know that God is in control and the more I turn over my plans, my health, and my life to him things will turn out well.

Spiritually, I always find these life challenges difficult. I like to think that my road map will bring me what is best for me. However, I am usally wrong. Left to my own plans the vehicle would have long gone off the road, the keys would have been taken away, and I would be walking by myself on a road to nowhere to quote the Talking Heads song.

In these early morning moments I am able to find what I think God is trying to reveal to me. Having a deeper sense of being awakened, I resolve to reflect this Advent season on what has been awakened in me and at the same time stay awake for what will be revealed.