The Transfiguration Challenge

LENTEN INVENTORY

Upon listening to my daily morning guided meditation about the Transfiguration I was prompted to reflect on my own transfigurative process during Lent. Where am I two weeks into this journey? What areas do I need change and how seriously am I taking this Lent.  I was reminded of a recent post by Catholic talk show host Jennifer Fulwiler who stated that after a couple of days into the season she had already broke her Lenten promise. However, she said that it was then she realized that there was a deeper need for God and there were many unresolved issues that she needed to work on.

FALLING AND GETTING UP AGAIN

I find myself in continual need for God's intervention in my life. Over the last few years I have tried to fast between meals on Fridays. For the most part I am able to do so, but it seems the first weeks is always a challenge. I find myself slipping rationalizing why I can grab a cookie after dinner or even load up on a big dinner. Not much of a fast and I know I am fooling no one especially God.  This  brings on guilt and a profound sense of my inadequacy as a human.  Why do I need God in this area of my life? What is wrong with food I rationalize?

The reality is sacrifice is as bad it seems. I look to Abraham in today's reading who was about to sacrifice his son Isaac. I am sure he was heartbroken.  Yet he all but carried out the action. He was ready to take upon whatever God asked of him, but found reward for his actions.

I need not go on with my questions, but instead look for solutions. Yes I struggle with giving up fast involving food. But what other way to I fast? Being a history teacher I pride myself in being informed on the latest news and current events. However, I find myself opening up my phone to read the news and becoming fixated and highly judgemental of many of those detailed in latest events.  I cannot ignore the news, but instead I can bypass those stories that trigger my emotions. The next step in the process is praying for the individuals in the news stories. To become more intentional I can pray the Divine Mercy Chaplet pausing on each bead to pray for those individuals that I don't agree with or I find offensive.

SEARCHING

Still looking for answers on how and why to fast I came across a video from Father Mike Schmitz thanks to to a link in a post from fellow blogger Allison Gingras. Father Mike has  a great description of fasting using the four themes of self mastery, obedience and discernment, worship and sacrifice and getting to our own hearts.

Since Father Mike's video details all of four quite well I will only focus on my struggle with first one.  Self-mastery is being able to  myself not to be mastered by own desires in this case food. This in itself is a sacrifice giving up my desire but also uniting myself with others who are without food and with sufferings of the Church throughout the world.  Secondly, I have this innate desire to judge others. My judging heart is not something I desire to have any master of as I like to put myself on a pedestal above others.  However, it seems that God has other plans for me.  During this Lenten season I have found myself asking for something from the very people I have judged. Yes, God works in mysterious ways and these ways can be quite revealing sometimes and redemptive.

The transfiguration process is ongoing as I am still climbing the mountain. As I climb a little bit of the load is jettisoned as I surrender to God instead of the temptation to eat or judge. It is not only Lent but daily. Lent allows me to probe deeper. As much as I struggle with what I give up during this time I find that it also allows me to repent for my sinfulness and brokenness. Little by little I am being washed so that I can fully be united with Christ. I don't have the faith of Abraham that God will take care of everything, but for now a mustard seed will do.

More on 40

SONGS IN MY HEAD

Earlier I posted an entry from 2016 in which I recapped the number forty. I felt that at the time this was still something missing from the entry and so I headed off to Mass hoping for some inspiration. As I was quietly reflecting on the readings for the day and on the number 40, it hit me, U2's song forty. Pardon me as I am one of those people that has heard countless songs over my years both as a youth and an adult and never really looked at the lyrics or really heard the song for its meaning.  Songs were just music that passed through my lifetime.  I believe that when we are really ready to hear something it will come to us. Unfortunately that is sometime true in our relationships those close to us. But I deviate from my intent. 

DESERT HIGHWAYS

So as I sat in the pew I was reminded also of Interstate 40 which used to be old Route 66 in California which runs from the high desert city of Barstow into Arizona and beyond. Along Interstate 40 the landscape is barren, rocky, and exceptionally dry. There are but a few places one can stop from Barstow to Needles on the two plus hour drive. There is little to see except an occasional bird.  I could imagine Jesus in this unforgiving landscape facing the various temptations and as with wild animals. I also imagined St Anthony wrestling with the various wild animals as he attempted to overcome the desires that seemed to attack his incessantly in his time in the desert. I was then brought back to the song Forty.

FORTY

The song is based on Psalm 40 with its theme of gratitude and thanksgiving.  Although the song is pretty much focuses on the verse anyone who has been to a U2 concert can remember the throng of people singing in chorus the lyrics usually as the concert ends. It is quite a spiritual experience.  A closer look at the psalm sees a reflection on our travels during Lent.

In verse 13 the psalmist is overcome with the sense of sinfulness. In a sense much of one's Lenten journey is both asking God to make us aware of our sinfulness, then for repentance, and for God's grace to deliver us. From this we sing a new song, a song of renewal. We have been brought from the pit, our own sinfulness and given a foundation to stand on. The question is how long will we sing this song?

U2 FORTY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1XzHlySYR_Y

Lyrics

I waited patiently for the Lord
He inclined and heard my cry
He brought me up out of the pit
Out of the mire and clay

I will sing, sing a new song
I will sing, sing a new song

How long to sing this song
How long to sing this song
How long, how long, how long
How long, to sing this song

He set my feet upon a rock
And made my footsteps firm
Many will see
Many will see and fear

I will sing, sing a new song
I will sing, sing a new song

I will sing, sing a new song
I will sing, sing a new song

How long to sing this song
How long to sing this song
How long, how long, how long
How long, to sing this song

Songwriters: Adam Clayton / Dave Evans / Larry Mullen / Paul Hewson

40 lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group

Finding Hope in the Gospel

It is so easy for one to look out in the world around us and find little to be hopeful for. We are constantly bombarded with news of toxic politics, scandals, and our own personal struggles. In a sense we can become slaves to the world being pulled into incessant twenty-four news cycle especially with alerts from our devices if we so choose.  So where do we find purpose and hope?

We are restless until dawn paraphrasing Job. Better yet we are always restless. The words of Job seem to ring true, "Is not man's life on earth drudgery?"  But this is a human condition, one that is devoid of God. What is the answer?

John Bridges (England, 1818–1854) - http://www.artsbma.org/pieces/christ-healing-the-mother-of-simon-peters-wife/1978-2274/

In today's Gospel from Mark we find Jesus curing both the possessed and infirm throughout the whole day. Where does he get his strength to go on from what must have been an emotionally and physically draining task? He rises early and goes to a deserted place to pray. We are not told of his prayer content. However, knowing that he had tremendous pity and love for the afflicted, we can imagine that his prayer might have been along the lines of asking for strength to carry on.

In Mark 1:38 Jesus tells the disciples, "Let us go to the nearby villages that I may preach there also. For this purpose have I come." Finding purpose in his calling, Jesus knew well.

Paul also talks of his purpose to carry the message using the word slave. As he says he has an obligation to preach to save at least some. He clearly has found his purpose and he is not ashamed in the slightest bit.

I find in both the Paul and Jesus that the sense of purpose is reassuring. I struggle with my purpose especially as my life seems to be going in many different directions at times. Even though Jesus and Paul didn't have a family in the sense that I have, their family was the human race. Jesus had to make decisions about when to stay and when to leave villages and people as he preached. Paul likewise meandered throughout Asia Minor and eventually to Rome. My own journeys have taken me to different job locations, interactions with different people, and through a variety of  relationships.  In the midst of all of this it is important to me to find that time to escape and find silence.

What is found in these moments is the hope that relationships can be healed, that I can accept my own sufferings and afflictions with hope and that I can be helped up to make it through the next day. My purpose seems to vary from day to day, but it does come to two simple words, love and service. The gospel echoes with these two themes and it then falls upon me in a sense to become an entrusted steward as Paul states.