Only Say the Word

I BELIEVE, HELP ME IN MY UNBELIEF

Throughout my faith journey I have been somewhat skeptical about the idea of a healing mass or the laying of hands. I guess I have been influenced by media portrayals of people being healed from demons writhing on the ground almost as being possessed. I am familiar with the various accounts of Jesus healing people with physical and spiritual maladies yet I have never been sure of the concept of someone anointing myself if I suffered from some type of affliction. A favorite phrase of mine when it comes to stories of healing is "I believe, help me with my unbelief."

THE CHALLENGES OF PAIN

All of this being said I have been suffering a variety of physical ailments over the last 15 months. First it began with neck pain and pain shooting into my arms. When chiropractic treatment did not help a MRI was ordered which revealed cervical stenosis. I proceeded with treatment which did little to relief the pain that was progressing despite medication. In July I underwent a successful cervical fusion. However some weeks later I began to have back pains which became chronic and at times disabling. Dealing with the recovery from the surgery seemed to be enough but having the back pain seemed to be the proverbial double whammy. My faith was being challenged.

I pondered if this was a punishment for past transgressions. Was I ever going to be released from this sometimes debilitating pain? I began to seek out prayers that would address certain body ailments. I knew that  many saints were afflicted were body pains and that they accepted the suffering and would not allow it to hinder their service to God. I also know that even today that many people willingly accept bodily ailments and disease. 

MY PLANS OR GOD'S PLAN

But what about my plans? I want to be on my bike cycling on weekends and training. Notice I said my plans. I have learned that my plans are not God's plans although begrudgingly at times. I began to accept the pain as a form of suffering for God, but I still found myself at times unable to travel or do house chores. 

CHANGING FAULTY THINKING

Our church offers healing masses which I had not considered at all. My skeptic thinking is that is only for the really sick people. Please pardon my arrogance. My son who is always thinking of others had been suggesting that I attend the mass over the last few months.  So I decided to go.

Not knowing what to expect I did some reading up on it. Apparently there are many types of healing masses and they are really dependent on the celebrant.  The Mass was a typical weekday service. At the end of the service, our priest explained that the attendees would be blessed with holy oil by three designees who also would lay hands on each individual as well.  While the service progressed I began to feel a sense of relief, but I was also anxious. Based on my reading as well as my knowledge, one could feel instant relief, but knowing that healing can take place over time as well, and for some it may not happen. 

SOME RELIEF

I hesitantly made my way so that the three designees could lay hands on me and anoint me. The service was over. I looked at Jesus on the cross. I couldn't even imagine the physical suffering he endured during the ordeal of the crucifixion and here I was with my ailments. I began to feel guilty. I begin to pray for acceptance of the outcome. 

Over the next few days I felt relief from the pain. Being that I am undergoing physical therapy and am doing a lot of exercises there will be days of not feeling one hundred percent. However, knowing that I submit myself in my doubt to God for physical healing is ok. I know that God knows that I can be doubtful, that my faith waivers. But I am the mustard seed in the germination stage. I will grow to be stronger in faith. And I will listen to others who guide me as well, for I don't have the answers to many things including my own health. 

The Call

JESUS CALLING

Today we read of Jesus walking along the Sea of Galilee, finding Simon and  Andrew and then later James and John. He issued a life changing invitation to them, to leave their respective profession of fishing and follow him.  We don't read of the men pondering this invitation, nor do we hear of them talking it over with family members or friends. The four abandon their nets and immediately follow Jesus.

Calling of the Apostles Peter & Andrew” Lorenzo Veneziano, c1370

For most of us the call to follow Christ is more subtle. It occurs daily in our challenges with life situations or for others it can be a sickness, tragedy, or life changing event. Somewhere there is a beckoning to make a change in our ways or even professions. But rarely, do we drop all that we are doing and make an immediate change. And the call it seems never comes directly from Jesus. As matter of fact when we think of calls, most of us think of our cell phones. Pardon the reference as I imagine most of us think of the old landline phones that many of us grew up with.

OF PHONE CALLS

So let me deviate a bit. Having grown up with a landline phone in a rural area a phone call usually prompted everyone to rush to the phone to pick it up as calls were not very common. There was always the question to our parents, "Who is it?" Such excitement. There was very little privacy in the call as one could not meander through the house to escape prying siblings our even parents. What was said was heard by everyone. The area that I grew up in initially had party lines in which the phone lines were actually shared by neighbors nearby so you could actually hear conversations while you were talking. However,  a call late at night or early morning hours indicated that something was wrong, much like today. This in itself might be a life changing event that could possibly in some way be a call for compassion, assistance, and other qualities that are consistent with being a Christian.

In the day and age of cell phones we can choose to answer a call when it occurs, ignore it if we are busy, or even eventually block it so that we never receive a call from that number again. I am sure that like myself you receive calls from telemarketers of which you have taken that very action. Thus we filter our calls. We can identify who is calling us as we have input numbers our contacts. We can even do face to face calls via Facetime, Skype, Google Hangouts, and the like. It seems like the actions are unlimited. But do we have time for the call that is more subtle, the prompting of the Holy Spirit?

DAILY CALLS

I am called daily to take the unextraordinary actions of not judging, not engaging in rumormongering, and a host of other actions. These promptings come from the small voice that usually is accompanied from a Scriptural reference or reflection I might have read earlier. I have yet to receive a call from a voice that is overbearing and demanding nor have I received a call from God on my phone during Mass. These actions which I take lead to the greater call of Christ which is similar to that of the disciples mentioned in the Gospel. Come follow me. It is life changing although not as abrupt.

AND THE FINAL CALL

The call to follow Christ is also full of challenges. The four men called could not predict where they would go nor their martyrdom. Jesus himself in the Gospel passage has taken the bold action of following John, most likely knowing where it would take him. So the call to follow Christ is a faith-based decision not be taken lightly. For me knowing that this call is really many calls and not just "the call" is a reality of a Christ-filled life. It is full of decisions that I make every that can have a lasting effect on those I interact with. There can be the difficult calls to repentance and to mend broken relationships. It can be the call to love those that seem unlovable. It can be in this day and age of secular humanism to call to rise above the fray and speak my true convictions without regard to what people might think of me or possible repercussions. It is the call of what is called a Christian.

Attracted to Jesus

FOLLOW THE LEADER

I have been a leader much of my adult life taking upon positions such as coach, department chair, committee head, and so on. For whatever reason I am naturally drawn to those positions when I see that no one else desires to lead. This can be both a blessing and a curse as when all is well accolades abound and things go wrong the blame invariably falls on the one leading. I can't really pinpoint when the desire to lead started other than my last two years in high school. However, I know that as an adult, I have found that I don't follow well as I think I can always do better than the next person and I am not patient when people don't take the lead on issues.


Being a follower for me is better suited for following sports teams. I would like to think that I am not follower of anyone and I march to my own drum. Of course there is a lot of ego involved here. So what about following Christ? What is attractive in this?

I have not been called like Samuel who heard the Lord calling him and took on upon the role of prophet. My path is more circuitous growing up in a Catholic home, attending religious education classes and completing the sacraments, but then traveling along my own unfulfilling path of worldly and material attractions which only providing emptiness. It wasn't until I realized that I was looking for God in all of these ventures. Jesus did not call me out and if he did I wasn't listening anyway. Through a gradual reeducation of the teaching of Church and surrendering my life and worldly desires did I find the simplicity of following Christ. This is the same simplicity that John's Gospel reveals.

MAGNETIC ATTRACTION

 What is interesting about Jesus in today's gospel is that he is not looking for followers, but that John's disciples are attracted to him. There was certain magnetism that stirred the hearts of these men to follow the Lamb of God. Jesus was not and is not like leaders today who can be bombastic or draw on peoples emotions with appealing speeches and promises of a new beginning. In my morning guided meditation I was asked to visualize where Jesus was staying when replied," Come and you will see." JN 1:39. I could a picture a simple dwelling, perhaps he was staying at the home of someone who he had cured on a sickness or someone labeled a sinner. This I found attractive. There are so many other qualities that bring me to become a follower and not a leader that I cannot list them all.

Perhaps finding so much emptiness in the pursuit of the so called dream  brings me back to the simplicity of Jesus. Living with no more than what is needed was the call of Jesus disciples. I find that the more I desire to obtain the more stressed I become of the pursuit to the goal. For me following Jesus is not a maddening chase, but it is found in solitude of reading and prayer or attending Mass.  Jesus is not the loud voice on television urging me to follow him nor is he the looming billboard on the freeway beckoning to buy a product or attend an event. He is as Paul says found in the temple of my body. (1 COR 6:13) He is always there. He is always leading me on if I choose to follow. What can be attractive than that?

I WILL FOLLOW

My favorite band U2 released the song I Will Follow in 1980.  If one listens they just might find themselves in the song. The lead singer Bono is said that song was about a mother, but could easily be about God as well. 

I was on the outside when you said
You said you needed me 
I was looking at myself
I was blind, I could not see

A boy tries hard to be a man
His mother takes him by his hand
If he stops to think he starts to cry
Oh why

If you walkaway, walkaway
I walkaway, walkaway...I will follow

If you walkaway, walkaway
I walkaway, walkaway...I will follow

I was on the inside
When they pulled the four walls down
I was looking through the window
I was lost, I am found

Walkaway, walkaway
I walkaway, walkaway...I will follow
If you walkaway, walkaway,
I walkaway, walkaway...I will follow
I will follow

Your eyes make a circle
I see you when I go in there
Your eyes, your eyes...

If you walkaway, walkaway
I walkaway, walkaway..I will follow

If you walkaway, walkaway
I walkaway, walkaway...I will follow

I will follow
I will follow...

A New Journey

THE JOURNEY OF LIFE

Today we are reminded that the Magi left the comforts of their homeland to travel to an unknown destination in search of a newborn king. It strikes me that this much like our own journey in search of the meaning of life. We may not have a star in the night sky that guides us, but we have faith that prompts us to keep searching, sometimes blindly, sometimes with a sense of purpose.

This journey is long therefore we are not to take much baggage as we may be weighed down. Yes, the baggage of life, the past hurts, resentments, the disappointments, our own failures. the perceived failures of others, all of these must left behind if we are going to complete the trip to the destination. The journey will be long, and not without challenges. We may become thirsty and hungry. We may become delusional in seeing mirages symbolizing what may seem as true and fulfilling. But, we carry on sometimes with speed, other times trudging through the deep desert sand. However, we are not alone for we need assistance. Here we look to the animal that carried the wiseman.

OF CAMELS

And what is this animal that carries us, but the camel. Well suited for the journey storing food and the baggage that we heap upon it, the camel also represents our prayer life and our need for God as well. In a brilliant analogy Dr. Bob one of original cofounders of AA explained the connection between prayer and camels the following manner:

"camels in a caravan would kneel down in the evening, and the men would unload their burdens. In the morning, they would kneel down again, and the men would put the burdens back on. ’It’s the same with prayer,’ Dr. Bob said. ’We get on our knees to unload at night. And in the morning when we get on our knees again, God gives us just the load we are able to carry for that day.’" Dr. Bob and the Good Oldtimers (1980), page 229 (retrieved from Alcohol Self-Help News, 1/7/2018)

STARTING ANEW

Since the Epiphany represents a new beginning, I found that it was necessary for me to review my own life and my relationships. I need to take this journey now, seeking guidance from the star, unloading that which weighs me down. No New Years resolutions which I find shallow and full of self-centeredness, but a true birth of a new and better attitude, and deeper prayer.  Discarding that which are obstacles to my destination and finding the newborn Jesus in all things. May your own faith journey be blessed with new beginnings this year.